🚀 go-pugleaf

Oh master (and master is only half the word), I took it upon myself to 
add a few relevant thoughts. .

UT_Master wrote:
> Q- What is this newsgroup's purpose? 
> A- This newsgroup has been taken over by the UT_Master, who is the 
> greatest Unreal Tournament player of all time. It's purpose shall be 
> whatever the UT_Master's latest whim happens to be. By posting here 
> you consent to worship the UT_Master and follow the guidelines set 
> forth in this FAQ. 
> 
> Q- I'm having trouble with the game installation and/or configuration, 
> where can I find help? 
> A- The UT_Master doesn't give a shit about you or your problems. You 
> should shut the fuck up and learn how to search for information.
Because UT_Master is useless in a tech-support capacity.

> 
> 
> Q- Who rules this newsgroup? 
> A- UT_Master rules this group with an iron fist. 
UT_Master seems to like the word 'fist', , but he usually uses it in its 
VERB form, usually spoken to other men in public restrooms, following 
the word "Please", , and followed by the word "Me"

> 
> 
> Q- I've heard the UT_Master has a massive penis. Is this true? 
> A- Yes, the UT_Master's penis is huge, hence the need for the iron 
> fist. 
Compared to that of the average housefly. It is so huge that there is no 
need for a high-power or electron microscope, , any cheap, $9.96 K-Mart 
blue light special microscope will do. .

> 
> 
> Q- I'm a beautiful blonde-haired girl with blue eyes and I would like 
> to give the UT_Master a blowjob. 
> A- Post pics of yourself naked in the binary group and the UT_Master 
> will consider allowing you to swallow his cum.
A feat which he usually reserves for himself.

> 
> 
> Q- Does Mr. K really blow goats? 
> A- Yes, Mr. K blows goats. Beware the "goat cheese" when visiting Mr. 
> K. 
Which is why UT_Master has invested large portions of his McDonalds 
paychecks toward the highest quality goat costumes available, , as well 
as a few Mr. K costumes.
> 
> 
> Q- I've heard people mention "killfilters" to filter out undesirable 
> posts. Can you tell me how to set one up? 
> A- If you can't figure out a kill filter, you are too stupid to own a 
> computer. Real men don't use killfiles. 
Although UT_Master really doesn't know, because in the presence of 'Real 
Men', he is always facing the other direction, and bent over.

> 
> 
> Q- But don't JHall and Mr. K use killfiles? 
> A- Like I said, "Real men don't use killfiles." 
That is UT_Master flirting with some of the guys in the newsgroup, it's 
saturday, and he's feeling squirley.
> 
> 
> Q- I would like to worship the UT_Master, how should I go about it? 
> A- A ritual must be performed to sacrifice small furry creatures in the 
> UT_Masters name. 
Actually UT_Master wants you to sacrifice small furry creatures in the
UT_Masters RECTUM.

> 
> 
> First, with a willow branch, stripped of it's bark, a pentagram must 
> be inscribed in the dirt with the lowermost point facing due east. 


> 
> 
> The small furry creatures should be placed on their backs in the 
> pentagram. Wooden stakes should be driven into their wrists to hold 
> them to the ground until the ritual is complete. 
> 
> 
> Walk backwards around the pentagram, holding the willow branch in your 
> right hand. After one complete circuit, intone: 
> 
> 
> YKZHYKAL, E VYN NONCYF ASPT POAMAL DE KAOSG: 
>      NYYS OD DLUGA LONSA DE SYBSY MYRC OY KOMSELH UT_MASTER. 
> 
> 
>      (EH-KEH-ZAH-HAH-KEH-AH-LAH,  AY  VEE-NOO  NOH-NOO-KEE  AH-ESS-PAY 
>      POH-AH-MAH-LAH  DAY  KAH-OH-ESS-GEE : 
>      NEE-EE-ESS  OH-DAY  DAH-LOO-GAH  LAH-NOO-SAH  DAY  SEE-BAY-SEE 
>      MEE-AR-KAH  OH-EE  KOH-MAH-SAY-LAH-HAY UT_MASTER. 
> 
> 
> Repeat until you have made three complete circuits of the pentagram, 
> wave the willow branch three times and furiously masturbate, spilling 
> your semen upon the furry creatures, at which point you must bite 
> their heads off. This should be performed with "Bark at the Moon" by 
> Ozzy Osbourne playing loudly on a stereo jam box. 
> 
> 
> This concludes the FAQ for now. This FAQ will be expanded when the 
> UT_Master grows bored or smokes his weekly crack allotment, whichever 
> comes first. 
> 
That's just fuckin' weird man. .