🚀 go-pugleaf

Poster: Michael Lewis 
Subject: Adjective Army FAQ v1.4 - Who to send it to next... 
Newsgroup: alt.games.tiberian-sun 
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 2000 

>It may be irrelevant drivel, but it made me laugh!

In that case, it wasn't in vain :o)

>Instead of constantly posting the FAQ to the newgroups, have you considered
>getting someone to put it on their website?  I'd be happy to put the
>Adjective Army FAQ v1.4 on my website.

No thanks, I prefer posting it to countless off-topic newsgroups. If it was
on a site, I'd have no need to do so :o)

>The Unknown James <uj@of.the.a.a> wrote in message
>news:HQMb2LAj9Jj4EwxU@news.utb...
>>
>> Welcome to the semi-interactive (and potentially harmful) Adjective Army
>> FAQ Experience. Please keep all arms, legs and genitalia (should you be
>> equipped with such) inside the FAQ until it comes to a complete halt.
>> Helpful suggestions will be disposed of, unless they arrive with money
>> attached. Make all money orders payable to me, The Unknown James. The
>> author cannot be held responsible for any flame wars which start as a
>> result of the posting of this FAQ.
>>
>>
>> This FAQ was not written by a single individual. It was found etched
>> into the side of a mountain by lightning. If you have been plagiarised,
>> you must understand that it was an Act of God, not a breach of
>> copyright. Take it up with your church.
>>
>> Last Updated 17 Jan 2000
>>
>> *************************
>> Table of Contents
>> *************************
>>
>> 0.1)    Latest News and Information
>>
>> 1)      Who are the Adjective Army?
>> 1.1)    So you're gamers?
>> 1.2)    Can I have an Adjective?
>> 1.3)    I'm going to have an Adjective anyway.
>> 1.4)    Specifically, who are you?
>>
>> 2)      What do you do?
>> 2.1)    What is Adjectivization?
>> 2.2)    Help! I'm being Adjectivized!
>> 2.3)    Are you sure you're not just trolls?
>> 2.4)    What don't you do?
>> 2.5)    I love you guys. Where can I find out more?
>> 2.6)    I think you're making this up as you go along
>> 2.7)    Why is there no part 2.7?
>>
>> 3)      What is alt.fan.adjective-army?
>> 3.1)    What is considered on-topic in AFAA?
>> 3.2)    My ISP hates you and won't add AFAA
>> 3.3)    Is AFAA a trolling group?
>> 3.4)    Who are these troll groups, and why are you crossposting there?
>> 3.5)    Who are your enemies?
>>
>> 4)      Anything else?
>>
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 0.1) Latest News and Information
>> *************************
>>
>> I've a funny feeling that this one will piss people off. I recommend them
>to
>> bite me.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 1) Who are the Adjective Army?
>> *************************
>>
>>         We are the collective of the regulars (of many years in some
>> cases) from a load of weirdo newsgroups. We are characterised by our
>> use of Adjectives in our names - is this simple enough for you?
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 1.1) So you're gamers?
>> *************************
>>
>>         Not exactly, no. We obviously began as gamers, but this is no
>> longer the case. While many of us still play games, our newsgroups of
>> origin have become off-topic centres of drivel. The simple reason for
>> this is that Red Alert has (in many peoples' opinions) been surpassed in
>> gameplay by other games, and Tiberian Sun was absolute crap from day
>> one.
>>
>>         As a direct result of this, we have ceased to be entirely
>> satisfied with our Usenet experience, and are out to liven it up a
>> little. Sadly, this includes the crossposting of controversial articles
>> into other groups. I would like to make it clear that this is not
>> trolling - this is simply a Different Opinion. If you disagree with our
>> Different Opinion, this is an issue with you, rather than us. We suggest
>> you killfile us, because we're full of Different Opinions (among other
>> things).
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 1.2) Can I have an Adjective?
>> *************************
>>
>>         It would be foolish of us to presume that we can prevent you
>> from changing your posting name to include an Adjective. However, we
>> would like to strongly advise against it - our rules state that you are
>> not permitted to use an Adjective without permission. After a suitable
>> period of apprenticeship your abilities will be assessed and your
>> application considered on it's merits.
>>
>>         Should you wish to be included in the Adjective Army, there are
>> two paths you can choose. The first is simple - you do as we do for a
>> while, and eventually we'll let you in. This generally involves
>> following the rules we go by, and helping out (should you be able to)
>> with valid queries in either alt.games.tiberian-sun or
>> alt.games.redalert.
>>
>>         The second way in which you can be given membership is
>> through an act of significant importance to us. This could, in theory,
>> be the starting of a large flame war between two rival groups (such as a
>> long discussion of RTS games). Alternatively, you could dazzle us with
>> your wit and ability to troll.... Uh, I mean, ability to debate with
>> people :o)
>>
>>         Should you opt for the second alternative, please crosspost all
>> attempts to accomplish your aims to alt.fan.adjective-army so that we
>> can review them.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 1.3) I'm going to have an Adjective anyway.
>> *************************
>>
>>         All we can say in that case is "Good luck". Should you survive
>> the barrage of flames, you will probably be deemed either killfile
>> fodder, or a worthy adversary and be offered membership. It is best to
>> assume the former when deciding whether to prematurely take on an
>> Adjective.
>>
>>         If you should choose to take an adjective without authorization,
>> we will never let you post to Usenet without 10 trolls following on
>> your heels, making it well known to every group who you are and why
>> we dislike you. We will also let them know that we're only there because
>> you are, and this will cause hatred to fall on you. But we're nice guys
>> really.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 1.4) Specifically, who are you?
>> *************************
>>
>>         OK, this is the part where I forget half the names, and
>> everybody gets mad at me. But I shall try to list everybody anyway
>> (in chronological order where possible):
>>
>>         The Legendary Burghy
>>         The Legendary Enforcer
>>         The Intermittent Phil
>>         (The) Dark Samurai
>>         The Mystical Xinhuan
>>         The Unknown James
>>         The Obsessive Charles
>>         The Supreme Andrew
>>         The Mythical Alex
>>         The Maniacal Kit
>>         The Arcane Chas
>>         The Profound Eol
>>         The Inane Dirk
>>         The Random Leon
>>         The Obdurate Ozjish
>>         The Witless Child
>>         The (unassigned) Tom
>>         The Ambiguous Antti
>>         The Whimsical Reycov
>>         The Omniscient Blade
>>
>>         All those people I forgot, e-mail me (unkn...@freeuk.com) to
>> remind me.... In addition to this, we have some Adjectives pending for
>> the following people (following their completion of apprenticeship):
>>
>>         Hex
>>         MuuMiMan
>>
>>         There may well be others in this category too, but it's not
>> worth my energy looking them all up. If you feel you belong in this
>> category, then e-mail me ( unkn...@freeuk.com ).
>>
>>         We also have honorary positions open for those people who we
>> feel deserve inclusion in our "organization" (and who participate in our
>> activities), but who may not wish to be affiliated with us directly.
>> Such people include:
>>
>> - (The) Wild Bill
>>   A troll from another group (and by troll, I really mean "Usenet
>>   Satirist"). He came along to AGTS with some friends, and we ended up
>>   getting on pretty well. Currently on a crusade against pedophiles on
>>   the Internet.
>>
>> - The Virgin Hans
>>   The guy who coined the phrase "Adjective Assholes" (which I now use
>> in
>>   preference to Adjective Army), and our most mighty home-grown troll.
>>   The choice of Adjective was not my own.
>>
>> - Zagadka
>>   This is Brian. He deserves an Adjective, but he also deserves a
>>   beating. He has decided to forego both these things.
>>
>> - Dyl
>>   One of our most prized regulars back in AGRA, he is believed to have
>>   got a Social Life.
>>
>> - Stevie (The Raven)
>>   Another of our regulars from AGRA, he too left in pursuit of glory in
>>   the Quake 2 clan ladder or something...
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 2) What do you *do*?
>> *************************
>>
>> We, as a group, exist to interact with each other. To exchange ideas,
>> experiences, opinions, humour and occasionally even sympathy. Tiberian
>> Sun is the latest in a series of RTS games which serves to gives us a
>> common interest. Newcomers to this community fall into five categories;
>>
>> 1/ Those who require help with the game - these usually receive
>>    assistance, along with such good-natured banter (or otherwise) as we
>>    believe the tone of their post warrants.
>>
>> 2/ Those who, having tasted the nature of the community, wish to join in
>>    and become "one of us" - these are admitted, rejected or ignored
>>    depending on their merits.
>>
>> 3/ Those who think we are all arrogant, ill-mannered kids who have
>>    nothing better to do than sit around making fun of the less fortunate
>>    and flaming the innocent - these are generally ridiculed by all and
>>    sundry, or are immediately accepted into the AA.
>>
>> 4/ Lamers (generally [but not always] users of AOL or Hotmail) - these
>>    are frequently kill-filed on sight although sometimes they are
>>    lightly toasted first.
>>
>> 5/ Trolls - these fall into two categories, "good" and "bad". The "good"
>>    one's have the ability to compose a rational argument and to express
>>    themselves well (Hans springs to mind as a good example) - these are
>>    often actually *welcomed* as a relief from the tedium of answering
>>    lame questions, etc. The "bad" ones get a severe grilling from *all*
>>    of the regulars until they crawl back under their bridge.
>>
>> We have recently started up a new tradition (they all have to begin
>> somewhere) - Adjectivizing other groups. This process generally involves
>> our arrival in the group, and the implementation of similar techniques
>> to those to be found in our other newsgroups. We talk to them, talk to
>> newbies, and generally expose them to our own style of banter :o)
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 2.1) What is Adjectivization?
>> *************************
>>
>> Put quite simply, it is "what we do", applied to a newsgroup near you.
>> We will choose a newsgroup every so often which we believe requires
>> our
>> attention. The aim of this is to get the regulars of that group to see
>> the lighter side of Usenet, not to annoy everybody in sight. We do,
>> however, have rules for this which Adjective Army members (referred to
>> as the "participants" from here) must follow:
>>
>> 1) Participants must not change account details during it - if people
>>     wish to killfile us, we should let them
>> 2) Profanity is to be discouraged - if you can't troll without swearing,
>>     you're doing it wrong
>> 3) All posts related to Adjectivization must be crossposted to AFAA. We
>>     ask that participants do *not* crosspost to AGTS or AGRA. That is
>>     not what those groups are for.
>> 4) On-Topic threads should not be targeted (unless they are just asking
>>     to be trolled, in which case it is acceptable).
>>
>> Beyond these rules, what you do is entirely up to you. Bad Jokes© are
>> acceptable, so long as they are clean. Above all, make it fun both for
>> you and the people you're targeting. And make it funny. And remember, no
>> trip has been wasted if you make new friends, annoy more people, and
>> end
>> up in a few killfiles...
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 2.2) Help! I'm being Adjectivized!
>> *************************
>>
>> Do not fear - this is only a temporary problem. As our rules state, it
>> is not a permanent arrangement - we are merely here for a visit. Some
>> tips:
>>
>> - Do not try to convince us we have no life, and are just being stupid.
>>   We know this. It really doesn't faze us.
>>
>> - There are very few insults we haven't heard before. If you are going
>>   to object to us, please be original.
>>
>> - Killfiles *will* work. We don't change our From: lines in our headers,
>>   and if you really feel you have to killfile us, do so. However, we
>>   believe you'll be missing out, and since many regulars may accept us
>>   and respond, you may have no choice anyway.
>>
>> - Complaints to ISPs are futile. Specifically, complaints to Zagadka and
>>   The Unknown James's ISPs are impossible. Those members who do not
>> have
>>   untraceable accounts are careful with what they say. There really is
>>   no point in reporting people - it will only cause you pain and
>>   suffering in the long run, for both you and your newsgroup. This is
>>   not a threat, it is a fact.
>>
>> Also, remember that in participating, you are joining our Hall of Fame.
>> Currently, we have successfully Adjectivized the following groups:
>>
>>         alt.games.grand-theft-auto
>>
>> The following people were good sports, and were a source of much
>> humour:
>>
>>         Deb (AGGTA)
>>         Tiffany (AGGTA)
>>         Scott Freeman (AGGTA)
>>         Doctor Bob (AGGTA)
>>         James Heaver (AGGTA)
>>
>> If you think you deserve to be on this list, tell me :o)
>>
>> In addition to this, if you say anything which is especially witty or
>> amusing, then your quote may well find its way into AGRA.EST - a file
>> of all the funny things we hear in the course of our travels. This is,
>> despite what you may have heard, a great honour.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 2.3) Are you sure you're not trolls?
>> *************************
>>
>>         Look, this is not a difficult concept to understand, really it
>> isn't... We are not trolls. Our purpose in your newsgroup is not to
>> annoy - it is merely to have fun. Here are some helpful hints
>> to let you figure this out for yourself:
>>
>> We do not crosspost to any newsgroups other than our own
>> We do not flame those who do not deserve it
>> We do not say things merely to annoy others
>> We do not stay longer than a few days (in general)
>> We do not constantly change headers to evade killfiles
>>
>>         In short, we are not trolling. We are just visiting your
>> newsgroup. Please try to make this as fun for yourselves as it is for
>> us.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 2.4) What don't you do?
>> *************************
>>
>>         We do not "debate" with warez or hacking groups. There are two
>> reasons for this. The first is that we prefer not to be affiliated with
>> people whose actions may be considered as being immoral by others. The
>> second is that, invariably, in these groups you find people who are
>> better than you. While this has not proven to be the case yet, in an
>> infinite universe it can only be a matter of time... It is not a good
>> idea to attract too much negative attention from such groups.
>>
>>         Should a group ask that we discontinue discussions with them
>> which are not relevant to that group, we will try to either resist the
>> temptation to continue posting to that newsgroup, or bring the
>> discussion back to an on-topic one. It is not our intention to flood a
>> group with off-topic discussion when we can so easily flood it with on-
>> topic discussion. It is a lot harder to make people stop posting to a
>> thread if it is on-topic, and even harder if it is based on current
>> events. Having said that, we are not making any promises. Off topic
>> is fun.
>>
>>         We are against the self righteous (aside from ourselves). This
>> includes "net gods" and "netcops" (affectionately (or otherwise)
>> referred to as NetKKKops from time to time (and usually by me)).
>> Reporting people to their ISPs is generally to be frowned upon, unless
>> they display a total disregard for manners and good taste. Flaming is
>> always preferable, except in the case of spammers (AllAdvantage,
>> Pyramid
>> scams, that sort of thing). In these situations, reporting them is all
>> you can do. Unless their headers contain a static IP address for them,
>> in which case you crosspost the IP to some interesting groups. It should
>> be pointed out that if anybody wishes to complain about Adjective Army
>> members, you will have severe difficulty. Our two most prolific posters
>> use untraceable accounts with no "Terms of Service" agreement, and the
>> others always keep within the rules set out by their ISPs.
>>
>>         Humour is of key importance in posts - it is a far better weapon
>> that simple flames and profanity. Should what a member of the AA says
>> be especially amusing, the quote will be put into the AGRA.EST file - a
>> collection of our most amusing comments. These quotes are collected by
>> The Inane Dirk (when present), or saved for when he *is* present. In
>> addition to humour, good taste is also important. Crossposts to
>> technical support groups are not to be advised - if people require
>> genuine help, it doesn't seem fair to bug them. Queries about how to
>> complete level twelve of Zoigsplatters IV are not requests for genuine
>> help, and may be targeted accordingly should they have comic potential.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 2.5) I love you guys. Where can I find out more?
>> *************************
>>
>>         I'm sorry, but if you're male, you're out of luck. The Adjective
>> Army doesn't swing that way (or, if they do, it's only with each other).
>> However, should you wish to find out more, drop by our newsgroups and
>> say hello. The chances are we'll greet you pleasantly enough, and after
>> quickly looting through your possessions, we'll make you feel at home.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 2.6) I think you're making this up as you go along
>> *************************
>>
>> We are.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 3) What is alt.fan.adjective-army?
>> *************************
>>
>> It's our "hangout". Where we coexist in peace, harmony, and flames. It's
>> a nice place, really, if you ignore certain people. It's usually the
>> place where all our more amusing threads get crossposted to, from
>> various newsgroups we are trolling and/or Adjectivizing.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 3.1) What is considered on-topic in AFAA?
>> *************************
>>
>> Everything. Except turkey. Do not ask why.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 3.2) My ISP hates you and won't add AFAA
>> *************************
>>
>> Contrary to popular belief (and a lot of nasty rumours), subscription to
>> AFAA is not a necessity. It has been known for people to survive whole
>> lifetimes without it. These lifetimes have not been long, but this is
>> irrelevant. Ask your news admin to add AFAA - if they refuse, then this
>> just shows that they're sensible. Should this happen, leave your ISP and
>> become a nomad. Alternatively, sign up with Altopia at
>> http://www.altopia.com/ for a great news service.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 3.3) Is AFAA a trolling group?
>> *************************
>>
>> Most certainly not. Well, sort of. It depends. Every member of the
>> Adjective Army may use it for whatever they choose, and I personally use
>> it as a crossposting center for trolling. However, mainly, it's just a
>> generic annoyance group.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 3.4) Who are these troll groups, and why are you crossposting there?
>> *************************
>>
>> - Alt.romath
>> Home of the Order of Romath. Trolls. But cool trolls.
>>
>> - Alt.troll
>> Your standard trolling group. This is just boring - where all the crap
>> on the Internet gets crossposted to.
>>
>> - Alt.fan.utb
>> This is the meeting place of the UTB (Under The Bridge), one of the
>> Adjective Army's favourite groups. They are not trolls - they are Usenet
>> Satirists, who fight people like pedophiles, and morons
>>
>> - Alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk
>> - Alt.fan.karl-malden.nose
>> My personal favourite groups. Home of cascades and floods. Fun :o)
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 3.5) Who are your enemies?
>> *************************
>>
>> People who knock my FAQ. Don't do that. Also, alt.games.starcraft is the
>> natural enemy of the Adjective Army, because they suck.
>>
>>
>> *************************
>> 4) Anything Else?
>> *************************
>>
>>         If you feel I've missed anything out, then you can keep it to
>> yourself. I am not in the mood for hearing what a poor job I have done
>> on this FAQ. However, if people have *suggestions* for what I could
>> include in my next update, then feel free to tell me by replying to
>> this post with the details of it - I don't really demand money (honest).
>> People who just want to pick holes in the FAQ will have flames shoved
>> back up *their* holes. I spent f**king ages on this thing (although
>> you can't tell to look at it).... :o)
>>
>>
>> --
>> The Unknown James
>>
>>
>> --
>> The Unknown James
>>
>> Things I have been called so far (further suggestions welcome):
>>
>> A Troll
>> A Moron
>> An Under-Bridge-Denizen
>> An Adjective Asshole
>> A User of Silly Birds
>> A Thirty Year Old
>> A Twenty-Two Year Old
>> A Homosexual
>> A Crossposter
>
>


-- 
The Unknown James

Things I have been called so far (further suggestions welcome):

A Troll
A Moron
An Under-Bridge-Denizen
An Adjective Asshole
A User of Silly Birds
A Thirty Year Old
A Twenty-Two Year Old
A Homosexual
A Crossposter