🚀 go-pugleaf

Welcome to the semi-interactive (and potentially harmful) Adjective Army
FAQ Experience. Please keep all arms, legs and genitalia (should you be
equipped with such) inside the FAQ until it comes to a complete halt.
Helpful suggestions will be disposed of, unless they arrive with money
attached. Make all money orders payable to me, The Unknown James. The
author cannot be held responsible for any flame wars which start as a
result of the posting of this FAQ.


This FAQ was not written by a single individual. It was found etched
into the side of a mountain by lightning. If you have been plagiarised,
you must understand that it was an Act of God, not a breach of
copyright. Take it up with your church.

Last Updated 17 Jan 2000

*************************
Table of Contents
*************************

0.1)    Latest News and Information

1)      Who are the Adjective Army?
1.1)    So you're gamers?
1.2)    Can I have an Adjective?
1.3)    I'm going to have an Adjective anyway.
1.4)    Specifically, who are you?

2)      What do you do?
2.1)    What is Adjectivization?
2.2)    Help! I'm being Adjectivized!
2.3)    Are you sure you're not just trolls?
2.4)    What don't you do?
2.5)    I love you guys. Where can I find out more?
2.6)    I think you're making this up as you go along
2.7)    Why is there no part 2.7?

3)      What is alt.fan.adjective-army?
3.1)    What is considered on-topic in AFAA?
3.2)    My ISP hates you and won't add AFAA
3.3)    Is AFAA a trolling group?
3.4)    Who are these troll groups, and why are you crossposting there?
3.5)    Who are your enemies?

4)      Anything else?



*************************
0.1) Latest News and Information
*************************

I've a funny feeling that this one will piss people off. I recommend them to
bite me.


*************************
1) Who are the Adjective Army?
*************************

        We are the collective of the regulars (of many years in some
cases) from a load of weirdo newsgroups. We are characterised by our
use of Adjectives in our names - is this simple enough for you?


*************************
1.1) So you're gamers?
*************************

        Not exactly, no. We obviously began as gamers, but this is no
longer the case. While many of us still play games, our newsgroups of
origin have become off-topic centres of drivel. The simple reason for
this is that Red Alert has (in many peoples' opinions) been surpassed in
gameplay by other games, and Tiberian Sun was absolute crap from day
one.

        As a direct result of this, we have ceased to be entirely
satisfied with our Usenet experience, and are out to liven it up a
little. Sadly, this includes the crossposting of controversial articles
into other groups. I would like to make it clear that this is not
trolling - this is simply a Different Opinion. If you disagree with our
Different Opinion, this is an issue with you, rather than us. We suggest
you killfile us, because we're full of Different Opinions (among other
things).


*************************
1.2) Can I have an Adjective?
*************************

        It would be foolish of us to presume that we can prevent you
from changing your posting name to include an Adjective. However, we
would like to strongly advise against it - our rules state that you are
not permitted to use an Adjective without permission. After a suitable
period of apprenticeship your abilities will be assessed and your
application considered on it's merits.

        Should you wish to be included in the Adjective Army, there are
two paths you can choose. The first is simple - you do as we do for a
while, and eventually we'll let you in. This generally involves
following the rules we go by, and helping out (should you be able to)
with valid queries in either alt.games.tiberian-sun or
alt.games.redalert.

        The second way in which you can be given membership is
through an act of significant importance to us. This could, in theory,
be the starting of a large flame war between two rival groups (such as a
long discussion of RTS games). Alternatively, you could dazzle us with
your wit and ability to troll.... Uh, I mean, ability to debate with
people :o)

        Should you opt for the second alternative, please crosspost all
attempts to accomplish your aims to alt.fan.adjective-army so that we
can review them.


*************************
1.3) I'm going to have an Adjective anyway.
*************************

        All we can say in that case is "Good luck". Should you survive
the barrage of flames, you will probably be deemed either killfile
fodder, or a worthy adversary and be offered membership. It is best to
assume the former when deciding whether to prematurely take on an
Adjective.

        If you should choose to take an adjective without authorization,
we will never let you post to Usenet without 10 trolls following on
your heels, making it well known to every group who you are and why
we dislike you. We will also let them know that we're only there because
you are, and this will cause hatred to fall on you. But we're nice guys
really.


*************************
1.4) Specifically, who are you?
*************************

        OK, this is the part where I forget half the names, and
everybody gets mad at me. But I shall try to list everybody anyway
(in chronological order where possible):

        The Legendary Burghy
        The Legendary Enforcer
        The Intermittent Phil
        (The) Dark Samurai
        The Mystical Xinhuan
        The Unknown James
        The Obsessive Charles
        The Supreme Andrew
        The Mythical Alex
        The Maniacal Kit
        The Arcane Chas
        The Profound Eol
        The Inane Dirk
        The Random Leon
        The Obdurate Ozjish
        The Witless Child
        The (unassigned) Tom
        The Ambiguous Antti
        The Whimsical Reycov
        The Omniscient Blade

        All those people I forgot, e-mail me (unkn...@freeuk.com) to
remind me.... In addition to this, we have some Adjectives pending for
the following people (following their completion of apprenticeship):

        Hex
        MuuMiMan

        There may well be others in this category too, but it's not
worth my energy looking them all up. If you feel you belong in this
category, then e-mail me ( unkn...@freeuk.com ).

        We also have honorary positions open for those people who we
feel deserve inclusion in our "organization" (and who participate in our
activities), but who may not wish to be affiliated with us directly.
Such people include:

- (The) Wild Bill
  A troll from another group (and by troll, I really mean "Usenet 
  Satirist"). He came along to AGTS with some friends, and we ended up 
  getting on pretty well. Currently on a crusade against pedophiles on 
  the Internet.

- The Virgin Hans
  The guy who coined the phrase "Adjective Assholes" (which I now use
in 
  preference to Adjective Army), and our most mighty home-grown troll. 
  The choice of Adjective was not my own.

- Zagadka
  This is Brian. He deserves an Adjective, but he also deserves a 
  beating. He has decided to forego both these things.

- Dyl
  One of our most prized regulars back in AGRA, he is believed to have 
  got a Social Life.

- Stevie (The Raven)
  Another of our regulars from AGRA, he too left in pursuit of glory in 
  the Quake 2 clan ladder or something...


*************************
2) What do you *do*?
*************************

We, as a group, exist to interact with each other. To exchange ideas,
experiences, opinions, humour and occasionally even sympathy. Tiberian
Sun is the latest in a series of RTS games which serves to gives us a 
common interest. Newcomers to this community fall into five categories;

1/ Those who require help with the game - these usually receive
   assistance, along with such good-natured banter (or otherwise) as we
   believe the tone of their post warrants.

2/ Those who, having tasted the nature of the community, wish to join in
   and become "one of us" - these are admitted, rejected or ignored
   depending on their merits.

3/ Those who think we are all arrogant, ill-mannered kids who have 
   nothing better to do than sit around making fun of the less fortunate 
   and flaming the innocent - these are generally ridiculed by all and
   sundry, or are immediately accepted into the AA.

4/ Lamers (generally [but not always] users of AOL or Hotmail) - these
   are frequently kill-filed on sight although sometimes they are
   lightly toasted first.

5/ Trolls - these fall into two categories, "good" and "bad". The "good"
   one's have the ability to compose a rational argument and to express
   themselves well (Hans springs to mind as a good example) - these are
   often actually *welcomed* as a relief from the tedium of answering 
   lame questions, etc. The "bad" ones get a severe grilling from *all* 
   of the regulars until they crawl back under their bridge.

We have recently started up a new tradition (they all have to begin
somewhere) - Adjectivizing other groups. This process generally involves
our arrival in the group, and the implementation of similar techniques
to those to be found in our other newsgroups. We talk to them, talk to
newbies, and generally expose them to our own style of banter :o)


*************************
2.1) What is Adjectivization?
*************************

Put quite simply, it is "what we do", applied to a newsgroup near you.
We will choose a newsgroup every so often which we believe requires
our
attention. The aim of this is to get the regulars of that group to see
the lighter side of Usenet, not to annoy everybody in sight. We do,
however, have rules for this which Adjective Army members (referred to
as the "participants" from here) must follow:

1) Participants must not change account details during it - if people 
    wish to killfile us, we should let them
2) Profanity is to be discouraged - if you can't troll without swearing,
    you're doing it wrong
3) All posts related to Adjectivization must be crossposted to AFAA. We
    ask that participants do *not* crosspost to AGTS or AGRA. That is 
    not what those groups are for.
4) On-Topic threads should not be targeted (unless they are just asking 
    to be trolled, in which case it is acceptable).

Beyond these rules, what you do is entirely up to you. Bad Jokes© are
acceptable, so long as they are clean. Above all, make it fun both for
you and the people you're targeting. And make it funny. And remember, no
trip has been wasted if you make new friends, annoy more people, and
end
up in a few killfiles...


*************************
2.2) Help! I'm being Adjectivized!
*************************

Do not fear - this is only a temporary problem. As our rules state, it
is not a permanent arrangement - we are merely here for a visit. Some
tips:

- Do not try to convince us we have no life, and are just being stupid. 
  We know this. It really doesn't faze us.

- There are very few insults we haven't heard before. If you are going 
  to object to us, please be original.

- Killfiles *will* work. We don't change our From: lines in our headers, 
  and if you really feel you have to killfile us, do so. However, we 
  believe you'll be missing out, and since many regulars may accept us 
  and respond, you may have no choice anyway.

- Complaints to ISPs are futile. Specifically, complaints to Zagadka and 
  The Unknown James's ISPs are impossible. Those members who do not
have 
  untraceable accounts are careful with what they say. There really is 
  no point in reporting people - it will only cause you pain and
  suffering in the long run, for both you and your newsgroup. This is
  not a threat, it is a fact.

Also, remember that in participating, you are joining our Hall of Fame.
Currently, we have successfully Adjectivized the following groups:

        alt.games.grand-theft-auto

The following people were good sports, and were a source of much
humour:

        Deb (AGGTA)
        Tiffany (AGGTA)
        Scott Freeman (AGGTA)
        Doctor Bob (AGGTA)
        James Heaver (AGGTA)

If you think you deserve to be on this list, tell me :o)

In addition to this, if you say anything which is especially witty or
amusing, then your quote may well find its way into AGRA.EST - a file
of all the funny things we hear in the course of our travels. This is,
despite what you may have heard, a great honour.


*************************
2.3) Are you sure you're not trolls?
*************************

        Look, this is not a difficult concept to understand, really it
isn't... We are not trolls. Our purpose in your newsgroup is not to
annoy - it is merely to have fun. Here are some helpful hints
to let you figure this out for yourself:

We do not crosspost to any newsgroups other than our own
We do not flame those who do not deserve it
We do not say things merely to annoy others
We do not stay longer than a few days (in general)
We do not constantly change headers to evade killfiles

        In short, we are not trolling. We are just visiting your
newsgroup. Please try to make this as fun for yourselves as it is for
us.


*************************
2.4) What don't you do?
*************************

        We do not "debate" with warez or hacking groups. There are two
reasons for this. The first is that we prefer not to be affiliated with
people whose actions may be considered as being immoral by others. The
second is that, invariably, in these groups you find people who are
better than you. While this has not proven to be the case yet, in an
infinite universe it can only be a matter of time... It is not a good
idea to attract too much negative attention from such groups.

        Should a group ask that we discontinue discussions with them
which are not relevant to that group, we will try to either resist the
temptation to continue posting to that newsgroup, or bring the
discussion back to an on-topic one. It is not our intention to flood a
group with off-topic discussion when we can so easily flood it with on-
topic discussion. It is a lot harder to make people stop posting to a
thread if it is on-topic, and even harder if it is based on current
events. Having said that, we are not making any promises. Off topic
is fun.

        We are against the self righteous (aside from ourselves). This
includes "net gods" and "netcops" (affectionately (or otherwise)
referred to as NetKKKops from time to time (and usually by me)).
Reporting people to their ISPs is generally to be frowned upon, unless
they display a total disregard for manners and good taste. Flaming is
always preferable, except in the case of spammers (AllAdvantage,
Pyramid
scams, that sort of thing). In these situations, reporting them is all
you can do. Unless their headers contain a static IP address for them,
in which case you crosspost the IP to some interesting groups. It should
be pointed out that if anybody wishes to complain about Adjective Army
members, you will have severe difficulty. Our two most prolific posters
use untraceable accounts with no "Terms of Service" agreement, and the
others always keep within the rules set out by their ISPs.

        Humour is of key importance in posts - it is a far better weapon
that simple flames and profanity. Should what a member of the AA says
be especially amusing, the quote will be put into the AGRA.EST file - a
collection of our most amusing comments. These quotes are collected by
The Inane Dirk (when present), or saved for when he *is* present. In
addition to humour, good taste is also important. Crossposts to
technical support groups are not to be advised - if people require
genuine help, it doesn't seem fair to bug them. Queries about how to
complete level twelve of Zoigsplatters IV are not requests for genuine
help, and may be targeted accordingly should they have comic potential.


*************************
2.5) I love you guys. Where can I find out more?
*************************

        I'm sorry, but if you're male, you're out of luck. The Adjective
Army doesn't swing that way (or, if they do, it's only with each other).
However, should you wish to find out more, drop by our newsgroups and
say hello. The chances are we'll greet you pleasantly enough, and after
quickly looting through your possessions, we'll make you feel at home.


*************************
2.6) I think you're making this up as you go along
*************************

We are.


*************************
3) What is alt.fan.adjective-army?
*************************

It's our "hangout". Where we coexist in peace, harmony, and flames. It's
a nice place, really, if you ignore certain people. It's usually the
place where all our more amusing threads get crossposted to, from
various newsgroups we are trolling and/or Adjectivizing.


*************************
3.1) What is considered on-topic in AFAA?
*************************

Everything. Except turkey. Do not ask why.


*************************
3.2) My ISP hates you and won't add AFAA
*************************

Contrary to popular belief (and a lot of nasty rumours), subscription to
AFAA is not a necessity. It has been known for people to survive whole
lifetimes without it. These lifetimes have not been long, but this is
irrelevant. Ask your news admin to add AFAA - if they refuse, then this
just shows that they're sensible. Should this happen, leave your ISP and
become a nomad. Alternatively, sign up with Altopia at
http://www.altopia.com/ for a great news service.


*************************
3.3) Is AFAA a trolling group?
*************************

Most certainly not. Well, sort of. It depends. Every member of the
Adjective Army may use it for whatever they choose, and I personally use
it as a crossposting center for trolling. However, mainly, it's just a
generic annoyance group.


*************************
3.4) Who are these troll groups, and why are you crossposting there?
*************************

- Alt.romath
Home of the Order of Romath. Trolls. But cool trolls.

- Alt.troll
Your standard trolling group. This is just boring - where all the crap
on the Internet gets crossposted to.

- Alt.fan.utb
This is the meeting place of the UTB (Under The Bridge), one of the
Adjective Army's favourite groups. They are not trolls - they are Usenet
Satirists, who fight people like pedophiles, and morons

- Alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk
- Alt.fan.karl-malden.nose
My personal favourite groups. Home of cascades and floods. Fun :o)


*************************
3.5) Who are your enemies?
*************************

People who knock my FAQ. Don't do that. Also, alt.games.starcraft is the
natural enemy of the Adjective Army, because they suck.


*************************
4) Anything Else?
*************************

        If you feel I've missed anything out, then you can keep it to
yourself. I am not in the mood for hearing what a poor job I have done
on this FAQ. However, if people have *suggestions* for what I could
include in my next update, then feel free to tell me by replying to
this post with the details of it - I don't really demand money (honest).
People who just want to pick holes in the FAQ will have flames shoved
back up *their* holes. I spent f**king ages on this thing (although
you can't tell to look at it).... :o)


-- 
The Unknown James


-- 
The Unknown James

Things I have been called so far (further suggestions welcome):

A Troll
A Moron
An Under-Bridge-Denizen
An Adjective Asshole
A User of Silly Birds
A Thirty Year Old
A Twenty-Two Year Old
A Homosexual
A Crossposter