🚀 go-pugleaf

The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently 
been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under 
the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become 
pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request 
the service of a proxy father -- a government employee who attempts 
to solve the couple's problem by impregnating the wife.

The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is 
due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off. The 
government man should be here soon." Moments later a door-to-door 
baby photographer rings the bell.

Mrs. Smith: "Good morning."

Salesman: "Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come 
to....."

Mrs. Smith: (Interrupting) "No need to explain, I've been expecting 
you."

Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a specialty of babies, 
specially twins."

Mrs. Smith: "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in 
and have a seat."

Salesman: (Sitting) "Then you don't need to be sold on the idea?"

Mrs. Smith: "Don't concern yourself. My husband and I both agree 
this is the right thing to do."

Salesman: "Well, perhaps we should get down to it?"

Mrs. Smith: (Blushing) "Just where do we start?"

Salesman: "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, 
one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the 
living room floor allows the subject to really spread out."

Mrs. Smith: "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it hasn't worked 
for Harry and me."

Salesman: "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every 
time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven 
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results. In fact, my 
business card says, 'I aim to please.'"

Mrs. Smith: "Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal?"

Salesman: "Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take 
his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be 
disappointed with that."

Mrs. Smith: "Don't I know! Have you had much success at this?"

Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) "Just 
look at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus 
in downtown London."

Mrs. Smith: "Oh, my!!"

Salesman: "And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. 
They turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother 
was so difficult to work with."

Mrs. Smith: "She was?"

Salesman: "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to 
Hyde Park to get the job done right. I've never worked under such 
impossible conditions. People were crowding around four and five 
deep, pushing to get a good look."

Mrs. Smith: "Four and five deep?"

Salesman: "Yes and for more than three hours, too. The mother got so 
excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at the 
crowd. I couldn't concentrate. I'm afraid I had to ask a couple of 
men to restrain her. By that time darkness was approaching and I 
began to rush my shots. When the squirrels began nibbling on my 
equipment I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith: "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh.., equipment?"

Salesman: "That's right, but it's all in a day's work. I consider my 
work a pleasure. I've spent years perfecting my patented technique. 
Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big 
department store."

Mrs. Smith: "I just can't believe it."

Salesman: "Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so 
that we can get to work."

Mrs. Smith: "TRIPOD?!?"

Salesman: "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. 
It's much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I'm shooting. 
Mrs. Smith?... Mrs. Smith? ...My goodness, she's fainted!"