🚀 go-pugleaf

On Sat, 18 Mar 2000 19:25:00 -0000, "Detonate"
<deto...@NOSPAMdetonate.demon.co.uk> expounded:

>There are three parts which I've accumulated from various ng's over the
>months, however, most of it orginated from the rec.humour ng;

>                STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM, Version 1.3c
>                          (c) copyright 1999 by
>                              someone else.

Det, if you're going to post an updated version of an ancient joke, get the
Best.

[...this isn't the most recent, though]

**RGMW Form Flame**RGMW Form Flame**RGMW Form Flame**

[Mark those which apply. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate.]

Dear:
[ ] Sir                                  [ ] Madam
[ ] Alec                                 [ ] Alistair
[ ] Alister                              [ ] AOLer
[ ] Asshole-on-line                      [ ] Babe
[ ] BAZ!                                 [ ] Bed Wetter
[ ] Being that defines the term "Negative value"
[ ] Bigot                                [ ] "Black Belt"
[ ] Blackheart                           [ ] Blank Dave
[ ] Bonehead                             [ ] Boob
[ ] Boor                                 [ ] Caliburn
[ ] Capitalist Pig Dog                   [ ] Cheshire Cat
[ ] Clueless Newbie                      [ ] Communist
[ ] Comrade                              [ ] Conservative
[ ] Cud-chewer                           [ ] Democrat
[ ] Dingle Berry                         [ ] Dirk Vormann
[ ] Donovan Borman                       [ ] Dumbass
[ ] Dweeb                                [ ] Elvis
[ ] Ethnic Albanian                      [ ] Evil Homer
[ ] "Expert"                             [ ] Fag
[ ] Fanatic
[ ] Fanboy                               [ ] Fart Knocker
[ ] Fat Bloke                            [ ] Fed
[ ] Fluff Nazi                           [ ] Fluff Nazi Wannabe
[ ] Frat boy                             [ ] Freak
[ ] Geek                                 [ ] Geoff Bowles
[ ] Goof                                 [ ] Grammar Nazi
[ ] Grammar Nazi Wannabe
[ ] Great Man on Campus                  [ ] GW lackey
[ ] Hooker                               [ ] Hypocrite
[ ] Idiot Who Can't Shoot Straight
[ ] Ignorant Snot
[ ] I'm Not Sure What the Hell You Are
[ ] Impersonator                         [ ] Inbred Goat-boy
[ ] Jackass                              [ ] Jason A Lang
[ ] Jervis Johnson                       [ ] Jimi
[ ] Joe "Meridian" Schulte               [ ] Justin Gaskins
[ ] Kurt                                 [ ] L.J. Stuart
[ ] La Grief                             [ ] Lamer
[ ] Liar                                 [ ] Liberal
[ ] Lord Jagged                          [ ] Lonely Masturbater
[ ] Math Nazi
[ ] Matt Bruce                           [ ] Matt Joesph
[ ] Matthew Maggio                       [ ] Matthew Sprange
[ ] Member of GW's Target Audience
[ ] "Me too" er                          [ ] Missionary
[ ] Monkey Spank                         [ ] Moon Beam
[ ] Moron                                [ ] Mr. Tol
[ ] Myrmidon                             [ ] Nephew of Alec
[ ] Nerd                                 [ ] Other progeny of Alec
[ ] Overall goober                       [ ] Pecker Head
[ ] Person Who's Not Important Enough to Be Named Directly
[ ] Pervert                              [ ] Pimp
[ ] Pirate                               [ ] Porn Star
[ ] Poster-Boy For Postnatal Abortion
[ ] Power Gamer/Rules Lawyer
[ ] Pre-teen                             [ ] Prick
[ ] Rabid
[ ] Rec.Games.Miniatures.Misc
[ ] Red Neck                             [ ] Religious Zealot
[ ] Republican                           [ ] Retard
[ ] Rick Priestly                        [ ] ROBCPW1 (or TheRob01)
[ ] ROB sympathizer                      [ ] Robert Williams
[ ] Rob Fungsang                         [ ] Roodie-poo Candy Ass
[ ] RT Maitreya                          [ ] Scammer
[ ] Scientologist                        [ ] Shim
[ ] Smartass                             [ ] Spammer/Cross Poster
[ ] Stephane                             [ ] Sycophant
[ ] T 'oma
[ ] Tim Huckleberry                      [ ] Troll
[ ] Twerp                                [ ] Twit
[ ] Unbearably Self-Righteous Person
[ ] Vampy                                [ ] WaReZ D00D
[ ] Web TVer                             [ ] White House Intern
[ ] Whoopi Goldberg
[ ] Most of the above
[ ] All of the Above
[ ] Some, not all, of the above
[ ] Other ( )
[ ] None of the above - it's far too horrible to contemplate

You Are Being Flamed Because:
[ ] You posted binaries [ ]in pieces LESS than 5000 lines
                                       [ ] to a non-binary group
[ ] You are advocating posting binaries to text groups
[ ] You posted to the wrong group
[ ] You posted text in a binary group
[ ] You posted something asking for warez sites
[ ] You posted something asking for fR33 5TuFf
[ ] You started a long, stupid thread
        [ ] that I didn't find entertaining
[ ] You continued a long, stupid thread
        [ ] that I didn't find entertaining
[ ] You started an off-topic thread
        [ ] that I didn't find entertaining
[ ] You continued an off-topic thread
        [ ] that I didn't find entertaining
[ ] You started a thread about sexuality
        [ ] that I didn't find entertaining
[ ] You started a thread about religion
        [ ] that I didn't find entertaining
[ ] You started a campaign to rid the news group of all off-topic threads
[ ] You used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after 60-70
    characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post
[ ] You quoted 120 lines of a thread and added 3 words or less...
        [ ] and they were all misspelt
[ ] You said "me too" to something
[ ] As above, except you said "me to," "me two," or "me 2"
[  ] You didn't quote anything from earlier in the thread which rendered
     your reply incomprehensible
[ ] You repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads
        [ ] that I didn't find entertaining
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message and [ ] used 311t3 cApiTalZ
        [ ] misspelt it
[ ] Your post ended in "now shut up" and [ ] used 311t3 cApiTalZ
        [ ] misspelt it
[ ] You reiterated one of the oldest arguments on RGMW
[ ] You posted a piece riddled with profanities
[ ] You did not understand the logic behind a profanity ridden post calling
    for the non-usage of profanities
[ ] You posted a message with all the content in the subject line, and a
    blank message
[ ] You posted an incredibly bigoted post [ ] and didn't realize it
[ ] You advocated Net censorship
[ ] You posted a blatantly obvious troll
[ ] You cross posted your blatantly obvious troll to MULTIPLE news groups
[ ] You pretended to be a guru and, obviously, you aren't
[ ] You posted pretending to be someone famous (See "troll" above)
[ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait
[ ] You posted a poor excuse for a Form Flame
[ ] You replied to the above message type believing it was someone famous
[ ] You posted a "test" in a newsgroup other than alt.test
[ ] You posted an "everyone is against me/my race/my religion/my country"
    message
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme and claimed it was legal
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme and claimed IT WORKS
[ ] You posted an ad or scam
[ ] You posted asking for/selling phone sex lines
[ ] You posted asking for/selling porn sites
[ ] You posted asking for/giving away free/copied stuff
[ ] You posted the inanely stupid
    [ ] 'Make Money Fast' article  [ ] '$250 Cookie Recipe' article
    [ ] Magic weight-loss article   [ ] Cheap s**t at high prices article
    [ ] 'Fix Your Credit' article       [ ] "Good Time Virus" warning
    [ ] "Get Free Miniatures" article
    [ ] "Buy 12 CDs for 1�" article
    [ ] eBay ad
[ ] You posted a request to send business/get well cards to a little boy
    with cancer who is trying to break the Guiness Book of Records
[ ] You posted a recruitment post for a religion
[ ] You were imposing your religious beliefs on others
[ ] Your ad/scam sucks because no one here asked for it
[ ] You doubtlessly violated the Terms of Service of your ISP
[ ] You suck
[ ] You're on AOL
[ ] You should be on AOL
[ ] You make AOL look good
[ ] You're on Web TV
[ ] You should be on Web TV
[ ] You make Web TV look good
[ ] Your sig/alias/server sucks
[ ] Your .sig file exceeds your attention span
[ ] You don't even have a .sig file, and it still exceeds your attention
    span
[  ] Your .sig is ridiculous because:
     [  ] You listed [  ] snail mail address(es).
                            [  ] phone numbers for people to use in prank
                                 calls.
     [  ] You included a stupid disclaimer.
         [  ] Your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed.
              [  ] Miserably.
     [  ] You included:
          [  ] A stupid self-quote.
          [  ] Lame ASCII graphic(s)
              (Choose all that apply):
              [  ] USS Enterprise.
              [  ] Australia.
              [  ] The Amiga logo.
              [  ] Company logo.
                     [  ] And you stated that you don't speak for your
                          employer.
              [  ] Bicycle.
              [  ] Bart Simpson
[ ] You have a SIG with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics
[ ] Your spelling and/or grammar is/are reflective of an illiterate
[ ] You spelled 'definitely' wrong (why does _everybody_ do that?)
[ ] You posted in ElItE CaPiTaLs because you think that makes you kEwL
[ ] YOU POSTED IN ALL CAPS
[ ] You made up slang then used it in a message
[ ] You posted in HTML
[ ] You folded, spindled or otherwise mutilated the RGMW Form Flame
[ ] You disliked the RGMW Form Flame
[ ] You voiced your dislike of the RGMW Form Flame, yet quoted the whole
    thing
[ ] You posted what should have been emailed
[ ] You haven't learned the difference between E-mail and newsgroups
[ ] You neglected to do research on the chosen subject
[ ] You have absolutely no knowledge of the topic of this
    news group/mailing list
[ ] You have absolutely no knowledge of the topic of  what you
    are talking about
[ ] Your mother dresses you funny
[ ] You asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ
[ ] You made a blanket statement without backing it up
[ ] You posted the stupidest article of the week
[ ] It wasn't the stupidest article of the week, but it was damn close
[ ] You posted the same message more then one time
[ ] You redundantly covered the same point over and over
[ ] You redundantly covered the same point over and over
[ ] You repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] You cross posted excessively
[ ] You are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread
     [ ] and you're not Alister or BAZ!
[ ] You posted a request for an article which was posted three times
    in the past week
[ ] You ask for somebody to do your homework
[ ] You ask for somebody to do your homework for free
[ ] You don't want to learn to fish, you just want a fish
[ ] You want it, whatever you wanted, ASAP (of course)
[ ] You just dropped your post and asked to have all the replies sent to
    your mailbox
[ ] You are too stupid to do a web search
[ ] You flamed a poor guy in distress trying to find some help
[ ] You flamed someone for [ ] spelling and/or [ ] grammatical errors while
    committing [ ]spelling and/or [ ] grammatical errors yourself
[  ] You flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
[  ] You flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
     [  ] And considering who you flamed, that's sad.
[ ] You repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
[ ] You questioned my moral and/or intellectual superiority
[ ] You questioned (below)'s moral and/or intellectual superiority
        [ ] Alistair                     [ ] Alister
        [ ] BAZ!                         [ ] Blackheart
        [ ] Blank Dave                   [ ] Caliburn
        [ ] Cheshire Cat                 [ ] Dirk Vormann
        [ ] Donovan Borman               [ ] Evil Homer
        [ ] Jason A Lang                 [ ] Jimi
        [ ] Joe "Meridian" Schulte
        [ ] Justin Gaskins               [ ] Kurt
        [ ] L.J. Stuart                  [ ] La Grief
        [ ] Matt Bruce                   [ ] Matt Joesph
        [ ] Matthew Maggio               [ ] Matthew Sprange
        [ ] Mr. Tol                      [ ] Myrmidon
        [ ] Rabid
        [ ] Rec.Games.Miniatures.Misc
        [ ] Robert Williams              [ ] Rob Fungsang
        [ ] RT Maitreya                  [ ] Shim
        [ ] T 'oma                       [ ] Vampy
        [ ] Other:
[ ] You repeatedly demonstrated your stupidity
[ ] You tried to blame others for your stupidity
[ ] You questioned (below)'s stupidity
        [ ] Alistair                     [ ] Alister
        [ ] BAZ!                         [ ] Blackheart
        [ ] Blank Dave                   [ ] Caliburn
        [ ] Cheshire Cat                 [ ] Dirk Vormann
        [ ] Donovan Borman               [ ] Evil Homer
        [ ] Jason A Lang                 [ ] Jimi
        [ ] Joe "Meridian" Schulte
        [ ] Justin Gaskins               [ ] Kurt
        [ ] L.J. Stuart                  [ ] La Grief
        [ ] Matt Bruce                   [ ] Matt Joesph
        [ ] Matthew Maggio               [ ] Matthew Sprange
        [ ] Mr. Tol                      [ ] Myrmidon
        [ ] Rabid
        [ ] Rec.Games.Miniatures.Misc
        [ ] Robert Williams              [ ] Rob Fungsang
        [ ] RT Maitreya                  [ ] Shim
        [ ] T 'oma                       [ ] Vampy
        [ ] Other:
[ ] You repeatedly assumed that Blank Dave couldn't build a bigger
    Form Flame
[ ] You repeatedly assumed that your Form Flame was larger
[ ] You are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve
[ ] You are under the misapprehension that this group isn't (below)'s
    preserve
        [ ] Alistair                     [ ] Alister
        [ ] BAZ!                         [ ] Blackheart
        [ ] Blank Dave                   [ ] Caliburn
        [ ] Cheshire Cat                 [ ] Dirk Vormann
        [ ] Donovan Borman               [ ] Evil Homer
        [ ] Jason A Lang                 [ ] Jimi
        [ ] Joe "Meridian" Schulte
        [ ] Justin Gaskins               [ ] Kurt
        [ ] L.J. Stuart                  [ ] La Grief
        [ ] Matt Bruce                   [ ] Matt Joesph
        [ ] Matthew Maggio               [ ] Matthew Sprange
        [ ] Mr. Tol                      [ ] Myrmidon
        [ ] Rabid
        [ ] Rec.Games.Miniatures.Misc
        [ ] Robert Williams              [ ] Rob Fungsang
        [ ] RT Maitreya                  [ ] Shim
        [ ] T 'oma                       [ ] Vampy
        [ ] Other:
[ ] You are under the misapprehension that Cheshire Cat isn't really
     Whoopi Goldberg
[ ] You made an error and blamed someone else
[ ] You talked about your sex life as if you knew what you were talking
    about
[ ] You talked about someone else's sex life as if you knew what you were
    talking about
[ ] You talked about genitals as if you had any to talk about
[ ] All you ever do is insult people
[ ] All you ever do is complain about people insulting people
[ ] You accuse others of doing the same thing you do
[ ] You repeatedly have shown a lack of humor
[ ] You repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff
[ ] You repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie,
    Jean, or Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions
[ ] You repeatedly assumed Shim has a gender
[ ] You are clueless
[ ] You are too stupid to figure out we hate your kind of people
[ ] You didn't understand (below)'s sarcasm
        [ ] Alistair                     [ ] Alister
        [ ] BAZ!                         [ ] Blackheart
        [ ] Blank Dave                   [ ] Caliburn
        [ ] Cheshire Cat                 [ ] Dirk Vormann
        [ ] Donovan Borman               [ ] Evil Homer
        [ ] Jason A Lang                 [ ] Jimi
        [ ] Joe "Meridian" Schulte
        [ ] Justin Gaskins               [ ] Kurt
        [ ] L.J. Stuart                  [ ] La Grief
        [ ] Matt Bruce                   [ ] Matt Joesph
        [ ] Matthew Maggio               [ ] Matthew Sprange
        [ ] Mr. Tol                      [ ] Myrmidon
        [ ] Rabid
        [ ] Rec.Games.Miniatures.Misc
        [ ] Robert Williams              [ ] Rob Fungsang
        [ ] RT Maitreya                  [ ] Shim
        [ ] T 'oma                       [ ] Vampy
        [ ] Other:
[ ] You complained about how all forty GW figures you bought this month were
    expensive and covered in flash
[ ] It's just that kind of day
[ ] You responded to _every post_ on the group today
[ ] You argued about copyright law as if you knew what you were talking
    about
[ ] You argued about evolution as if you knew what you were talking about
[ ] No matter how many times it's explained to you, you can't understand the
    Second Law of Thermodynamics
[ ] You argued about GW's future business plans as if you knew what you were
    talking about
[ ] You compared the cost of GW figures to cars
[ ] You compared the cost of GW figures to other company's figures
[ ] You compared the cost of GW figures to other models
[ ] You mistook GW products as reflective of the real world
[ ] You mistook the real world as reflective of GW products
[ ] You are wasting bandwidth without any useful purpose
[ ] I'm bored
[ ] I think you might be a fed
[ ] I think you might be a GW employee
[ ] I think you want to be a GW employee
[ ] I think you might be a member of GW's target audience
[ ] I think you might be
        [ ] Adrian "Trying to put enough weight on to sumo westle Fat Bloke"
            Wood
        [ ] Andy "Needs a new barber" Chambers
        [ ] Brian "I can only scupt orks" Nelson
        [ ] Chris "Never wipes his chin" Bickford
        [ ] Dave "Where's my hair?" Andrews
        [ ] Dave "I suck dick" McFarlane (it's a Canadian thing)
        [ ] Gav "Never let me write a codex again" Thorpe
        [ ] Jervis "I hate Squats" Johnson
        [ ] Jes "Should be the only one to touch the Eldar" Goodwin
        [ ] Kenny "I glued my head to a table" Goodman
        [ ] Mark Bedford
        [ ] Mike "His fingers should be broken before he sculpts again"
            McVey
        [ ] Nigel "Crack Pipe" Stillman
        [ ] Paul "His ass never stops jiggling" Sawyer
        [ ] Rick "Not quite dead yet" Priestly
        [ ] Robin "Slightly Rotund Bloke" Dews
        [ ] Simon Shuker
        [ ] Tim Adhock
        [ ] Tuomas "What's army escalation?" Pirinen
[ ] You posted your article using some Microsoft's crappy & buggy program
[ ] You assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet
[ ] You assumed that Al Gore founded the Internet
[ ] You assumed that the Internet is a U.S. only phenomenon
[ ] You failed to understand that the North American phone
    billing system is not world-wide.
[ ] You used the phrase "Information Superhighway"
[ ] It's just that kind of day
[ ] You barged into a quiet little news group and started
    stinking up the place just because you read an article about
    the newsgroup in some magazine or had seen it on TV etc....
[ ] You are a gutless coward that can't post from a valid e-mail address
    (we'll track you down anyway)
[ ] You are posting an anonymous attack
[ ] You discussed "My (below) is/are Better Than Your (below)"
    [ ] Education                 [ ] Job
    [ ] Nation                    [ ] Nation's military
    [ ] Pulsating Cerebral Lobes
    [ ] Religion                  [ ] Taste in Music
    [ ] Taste in Women
    [ ] Other
[ ] You discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup;
    [ ] Hollow earth theory               [ ] Alien President theory
    [ ] Orbital mind control frisbees     [ ] Faith healing
    [ ] Government weather control        [ ] Russian psychics
    [ ] Squeaky Fromme                    [ ] The nation of France
    [ ] Robot spy bees                    [ ] Sexually promiscuous
                                              space aliens
    [ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate"        [ ] Beavis & Butthead anything
    [ ] Flat earth theory                 [ ] Government conspiracy theory
    [ ] The location of Jimmy Hoffa
    [ ] The veracity of any X-Files plot (see all of the above)
    [ ] Other:
[ ] You considered the following to be reliable reference sources;
    [ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955
    [ ] Any program covered by [ ] Talk Soup or [ ] SNL News
    [ ] Oliver Stone                      [ ] Hard Copy
    [ ] Inside Edition                    [ ] The National Enquirer
    [ ] The Sun                           [ ] NY Post
    [ ] The Union Leader                  [ ] Pravda
    [ ] OMNI Magazine                     [ ] Company Marketing Hype
    [ ] Microsoft                         [ ] The Simpsons
    [ ] A GW Publication
    [ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication
    [ ] Other:
[ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally worthless
    that you are being flamed anyway
[ ] Other:

To Repent, You Must:
[ ] Abstain from sex for a month (shouldn't be too hard for you)
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Allow boring and useless threads to die
[ ] Appear on Jerry Springer
[ ] Attempt to win this year's Darwin Award
[ ] Be Alec's personal "Little Love Monkey" for a [ ] week [ ] month
    [ ] year [ ] the rest of your natural life
[ ] Be Micheal Jackson's love slave for a [ ] week [ ] month
    [ ] year [ ] the rest of your natural life
[ ] Be careful of where you are cross posting to
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you
[ ] Consider that just about everybody may know more about just about
    everything than you
[ ] Cut your balls (or breasts, if you're a woman) off
[ ] Cut your balls off and mail them to Alister
[ ] Cut your breasts off and mail them to me
[ ] Deep-throat my dog
[ ] Deep-throat BAZ!
[ ] Deep-throat Cheshire Cat
[ ] Deep-throat ROB
[ ] Deep-throat ROB, and bite it off
[ ] Donated your body to science before you are done using it
[ ] Do not bother getting a new account when this one is pulled
[ ] Do not delete the "welcome to the list" message you received when
    you joined
[ ] Don't take yourself so damn seriously!
[ ] Eat the dingle berries encrusted upon Alec's body
[ ] Exercise some humility
[ ] Exercise a great deal of humility
[ ] Familiarize yourself with the concept of:
            [ ] being RGMW News Group Moron for a long time
            [ ] caution                       [ ] common courtesy
            [ ] getting flamed for the rest of your life
            [ ] higher brain functions
            [ ] patience                      [ ] succinctness
            [ ] tolerance                     [ ] vocabulary
            [ ] Other:
[ ] Familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet
[ ] Familiarize yourself with the history of the RGMW
[ ] Fish for a clue in shark-infested waters
[ ] Get a job
[ ] No, a _real_ job
[ ] Working at McDonald's is not a real job...
[ ] Get an appointment with Dr. Kevorkian
[ ] Get me
        [ ] a Beer                            [ ] Black Coffee
        [ ] a Bottle of Vodka                 [ ] a Bowl of Jell-O
        [ ] a Cigar                           [ ] a Cigarette
        [ ] Some Clarnico mints               [ ] a Cola
        [ ] a Hamburger                       [ ] a Happy Meal
        [ ] a Hollow Cat                      [ ] a Hot Dog
        [ ] a Kebab Tray and Chips
        [ ] Mike McVey's Head On a Stick
        [ ] a Nubile Buxomly Virgin Goddess Covered in
             the Lightest of  Olive Oils
        [ ] a Pizza                           [ ] a Rum & Blackcurrant
        [ ] a Salad                           [ ] a Sandwich
        [ ] Some Cold Soapy Frogs
        [ ] Some Food For BAZ!
        [ ] Some More Food For BAZ!
        [ ] Some Penguins                     [ ] Some Prune Juice
        [ ] Some Stuffed Grape Leaves
        [ ] Some Wet Stuff (TM)               [ ] Some Whipped Cream
        [ ] Some Whipped Cream And a Box of Big Feather Dusters
        [ ] a Taco                            [ ] a Teletubbie
                                                  Carcass
        [ ] Three Live Chickens and a Tub of Cocoa Butter
            And Send It To My Room
        [ ] a Walrus                          [ ] a Whore
        [ ] Yet More Food For BAZ!
        [ ] Other:
[ ] Get over it
[ ] Get used to being mocked
[ ] Get used to being [ ] verbally and/or [ ] physically abused
[ ] Get used to being the Newsgroup Idiot
[ ] Give up all your worldly possessions and become a Tibetan monk
[ ] Give up your Internet\Usenet access
[ ] Give your computer to charity
[ ] Give your internal organs to charity
[ ] Give your internal organs to charity before you're done with them
[ ] Go see the therapist you fired three months ago
[ ] Find a therapist to replace the one that committed suicide after
    listening to your shit
[ ] Go to http://come.to/Troll_Station
[ ] Go to the top of a building and attempt to defy gravity
[ ] Go to the White House and attempt to kill:
    [ ] The President              [ ] His wife
    [ ] His pet                    [ ] The First Intern
    [ ] Other:
[ ] Hang yourself by the big toe for 72 hours
[ ] Insert all your miniatures into your rectum
[ ] Do as above, but then drink 3 bottles of Castrol Super Clean
    to in an effort to strip said miniatures
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] Lead by example
[ ] Learn to count above 10 with your boots on
[ ] Learn to count above 5 with your boots on
[ ] Learn to pee straight
[ ] Learn to pee
[ ] Learn to use Alta Vista.
[ ] Learn to use DejaNews
[ ] Learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts
[ ] Learn to walk only with your rear paws
[ ] Lick an exposed, live wire
[ ] Lick Alister's exposed, live wire
[ ] Let Alister lick your exposed, live wire
[ ] Find BAZ!'s live wire (it's been lost under all that flab)
[ ] 'Lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group
[ ] 'Lurk' for the rest of your natural life
[ ] Manage to make (below) physically ill with a bit of innuendo
        [ ] Alistair                     [ ] Alister
        [ ] BAZ!                         [ ] Blackheart
        [ ] Blank Dave                   [ ] Caliburn
        [ ] Cheshire Cat                 [ ] Dirk Vormann
        [ ] Donovan Borman               [ ] Evil Homer
        [ ] Jason A Lang                 [ ] Jimi
        [ ] Joe "Meridian" Schulte
        [ ] Justin Gaskins               [ ] Kurt
        [ ] L.J. Stuart                  [ ] La Grief
        [ ] Matt Bruce                   [ ] Matt Joesph
        [ ] Matthew Maggio               [ ] Matthew Sprange
        [ ] Mr. Tol                      [ ] Myrmidon
        [ ] Rabid
        [ ] Rec.Games.Miniatures.Misc
        [ ] Robert Williams              [ ] Rob Fungsang
        [ ] RT Maitreya                  [ ] Shim
        [ ] T 'oma                       [ ] Vampy
        [ ] Other:
[ ] Melt down all your figures and then take a bath in
    the resulting mixture
[ ] Nail Shim for for a [ ] week [ ] month [ ] year
    [ ] the rest of your natural life
    [ ] every night
[ ] No longer contribute to this newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] No longer contribute to any newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] No longer contribute to the gene pool
[ ] Don't attempt to evolve to the point where you *could* contribute
    to the gene pool
[ ] Out eat BAZ!
[ ] Pack your computer and send it to me
[ ] Play "Don't Touch My Plunger" with Justin Gaskins for a
    [ ] week [ ] month [ ] year [ ] the rest of your natural life
[ ] Poke your eye out with a stick
[ ] Poke your eye in with a stick
[ ] Post only to alt.dev.null
[ ] Post only to the WH40K mailing list
[ ] Quit putting the moves on your Dark Eldar Wyches
[ ] Quit putting the moves on your Ultrasmurfs
[ ] Quit putting the moves on your Escher Gangers
[ ] Read EVERY message in alt.religon.scientology TWICE
[ ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week
[ ] Read the FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) list for the group
[ ] At least read the weekly FAQ!
[ ] Recall that there are academic and commercial users on the net
[ ] Recall that there are other users on the net
[ ] Re-install what ever failed mental operating system you are
    currently running on
[ ] Relinquish your right to procreate
[ ] Remember that not all news readers are threaded
[ ] Remember that the Internet is multinational
[ ] Repeatedly slam a door on your genitals
[ ] See a doctor about removing your head from your arse
[ ] See a doctor about removing your head from GW's arse
[ ] See a doctor about removing your head from Jervis Johnson's arse
[ ] Selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in
    that thread
[ ] Send (below) all of you miniatures, terrain and books.
        [ ] Alistair                     [ ] Alister
        [ ] BAZ!                         [ ] Blackheart
        [ ] Blank Dave                   [ ] Caliburn
        [ ] Cheshire Cat                 [ ] Dirk Vormann
        [ ] Donovan Borman               [ ] Evil Homer
        [ ] Jason A Lang                 [ ] Jimi
        [ ] Joe "Meridian" Schulte
        [ ] Justin Gaskins               [ ] Kurt
        [ ] L.J. Stuart                  [ ] La Grief
        [ ] Matt Bruce                   [ ] Matt Joesph
        [ ] Matthew Maggio               [ ] Matthew Sprange
        [ ] Mr. Tol                      [ ] Myrmidon
        [ ] Rabid
        [ ] Rec.Games.Miniatures.Misc
        [ ] Robert Williams              [ ] Rob Fungsang
        [ ] RT Maitreya                  [ ] Shim
        [ ] T 'oma                       [ ] Vampy
        [ ] Other:
[ ] Serve as the "Choose Abortion!" poster child
[ ] Slam your fingers in a desk drawer repeatedly
[ ] Smoke less of what you are smoking
[ ] Spam the same news groups with your home address and phone number
[ ] Stop masturbating for a [ ] week [ ] month [ ] year [ ] the rest
    of your natural life
[ ] Stop molesting corpses
[ ] Start molesting corpses (you obviously need an out let for all that pent
    up sexual frustration, and cadavers hopefully provide the least likely
    avenue of reproduction)
[ ] Stop molesting livestock
[ ] Stop allowing yourself to be molested by livestock
[ ] Start molesting livestock (you obviously need an out let for all that
    pent up sexual frustration, and livestock provides the least likely
    avenue of reproduction)
[ ] Stop molesting your nephews
[ ] Stop allowing Unca Alec to molest you
[ ] Stop molesting Cheshire Cat
[ ] Start molesting Cheshire Cat
[ ] Stop molesting Whoopi Goldberg
[ ] Start molesting Whoopi Goldberg
[ ] Stop reading news and get a life.
[ ] Stop sending news and get a life
[ ] Stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments
[ ] Start volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments
[ ] Subscribe to every GW periodical and not complain about their contents,
    or lack there of
[ ] Successfully flame
        [ ] Alistair                     [ ] Alister
        [ ] BAZ!                         [ ] Blackheart
        [ ] Blank Dave                   [ ] Caliburn
        [ ] Cheshire Cat                 [ ] Dirk Vormann
        [ ] Donovan Borman               [ ] Evil Homer
        [ ] Jason A Lang                 [ ] Jimi
        [ ] Joe "Meridian" Schulte
        [ ] Justin Gaskins               [ ] Kurt
        [ ] L.J. Stuart                  [ ] La Grief
        [ ] Matt Bruce                   [ ] Matt Joesph
        [ ] Matthew Maggio               [ ] Matthew Sprange
        [ ] Mr. Tol                      [ ] Myrmidon
        [ ] Rabid
        [ ] Rec.Games.Miniatures.Misc
        [ ] Robert Williams              [ ] Rob Fungsang
        [ ] RT Maitreya                  [ ] Shim
        [ ] T 'oma                       [ ] Vampy
        [ ] Other:
[ ] Take a ride on Alister's Baloney Pony Express
[ ] Tell your Mommy you've been a bad boy
[ ] Tell Unca Alec you've been a bad boy
[ ] Verify the effect of gravity by jumping from the nearest bridge
[ ] Visit a militant lesbian bar and attempt to pick up the "chics"
[ ] Voluntarily apologize in a brief post
[ ] Voluntarily break down into tears and apologize in a brief post;
    then we'll put you out of your misery
[ ] Wait at least two hours before responding to another post
[ ] Look into the possibility of (below) for the above problems
        [ ] 9mm Migraine                    [ ] Brain surgery
        [ ] Castration                      [ ] Chemical castration
        [ ] Castration with two bricks
        [ ] Castration by a Singapore whore
        [ ] Castration by dull axe
        [ ] Castration by Alister
        [ ] Castration by other:
        [ ] Electroshock therapy            [ ] Enema
        [ ] Head swap operation with a Chihuahua
        [ ] Intensive negative reinforcement
        [ ] Medication                      [ ] Prefrontal lobotomy
        [ ] Psychotherapy                   [ ] Rectal electrocution
        [ ] Sever head injury(ies)          [ ] Sever tire damage
        [ ] Total lobotomy                  [ ] Vaseline
        [ ] Other:
[ ] Most of the above
[ ] All of the above
[ ] Some of the above, not including All of the above
[ ] Other:

In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
[ ] A miniature is better hung than you
[ ] Age 10 more years before you post again
[ ] Alec told me to tell you that if you want to be his bitch
    you have to be broken-in first -- he doesn't want you
    bleeding all over him
[ ] Allow me to rip off your arm and beat you to death with it
[ ] Ask Jesus if you need more insurance
[ ] Alister is going to eat you
[ ] Alister is going to sit on you
[ ] BAZ! is going to eat you
[ ] BAZ! is going to sit on you
[ ] Being raped by a branding iron is too good for you
[ ] Being raped by a rabid gorilla, on steroids and Viagra, is too
    good for you
[ ] Being raped by a rabid Alister, on steroids and Viagra, is too
    good for you
[ ] Being raped by a rabid BAZ!, on steroids and Viagra, is too
    good for you
[ ] Both hands on the keyboard, Sparky
[ ] Die and burn in hell
[ ] Burn in hell first
[ ] Don't do it ever again please
[ ] Do it again and I'll axe you to death
[ ] Do it again and I'll chop off your fingers, gnaw your
    skull and dance naked on your sticky bones
[ ] Do it again and I'll rip out your eyeballs and use the
    optic nerve for dental floss
[ ] Do us all a favor and crawl into some industrial machinery
[ ] Eat shit and die
[ ] Even the Scientologists won't take you
[ ] Even GW won't let you buy its products
[ ] Fuck off and die
[ ] Don't bother to fuck off, we want you to die NOW
[ ] Games Workshop's rules make more logical sense than you do
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Get fucked, you pathetic loser
[ ] Don't even bother trying to get fucked...
[ ] Go AOL!! � Joe "Meridian" Schulte
[ ] Go fuck yourself using a lightning rod for a dildo during a raging
     thunderstorm
[ ] Go fuck yourself with a sausage, in a room full of hungery pitbulls
[ ] Go get a lighter and check if there's gas in the car
[ ] Go to hell
[ ] Here is 5�. Get a clue.
[ ] If brains were taxed, you'd get a rebate
[ ] If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change
[ ] If I stand close enough to you, I can hear the ocean
[ ] If ignorance were cornflakes, you'd be General Mills
[ ] If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week
[ ] I got two words for ya!
            [ ] Blow Me         [ ] Get Bent      [ ] Get Fucked
            [ ] Die Bitch       [ ] Go Away       [ ] Go Farther
            [ ] Kill Yourself   [ ] Suck It!
[ ] It's hard to believe that you beat out 1,000,000 other sperm
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] Learn to post or shut up and fuck off
[ ] Look up the word, "asexual"
[ ] Tatoo the word "asexual" onto your member
[ ] Nature abhors a vacuum, how it tolerates your head is a good question
[ ] Never post again
[ ] One-celled organisms out score you in IQ tests
[ ] Plonk
[ ] Remove yourself from our presence
[ ] See how far your tongue will fit into the electric outlet
[ ] Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled
[ ] Stop peeing in the gene pool
[ ] Take your shit somewhere else
[ ] The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming
[ ] There's the bell, little girl, recess is over
[ ] The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead
[ ] Try to bite your ear
[ ] Try to bite your nose
[ ] What you posted was so stupid you will be killfiled.
[ ] What you posted was so stupid you will be flagged so I can laugh at
        you in the future
[ ] When you open your mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever
    foot was previously in there
[ ] Where's my
        [ ] Beer                      [ ] Bottle of Vodka
        [ ] Bowl of Jell-O            [ ] Cigar
        [ ] Cigarette                 [ ] Cola
        [ ] Cold Soapy Frogs          [ ] Food For BAZ!
        [ ] Hamburger                 [ ] Happy Meal
        [ ] Hollow Cat                [ ] Hot Dog
        [ ] Kebab Tray and Chips
        [ ] Mike McVey Head On a Stick
        [ ] More Food For BAZ!
        [ ] Nubile Buxomly Virgin Goddess Covered in
             the Lightest of  Olive Oils
        [ ] Pizza                     [ ]  Penguins
        [ ] Prune Juice               [ ] Rum & Blackcurrant
        [ ] Salad                     [ ] Sandwich
        [ ] Stuffed Grape Leaves
        [ ] Taco                      [ ] Teletubbie Carcass
        [ ] Three Live Chickens and a Tub of Cocoa Butter
        [ ] Walrus                    [ ]  Wet Stuff(TM)
        [ ] Whipped Cream
        [ ] Whipped Cream And Box of Big Feather
             Dusters
        [ ]  Whore                    [ ] Yet More Food For BAZ!
        [ ] Other:
[ ] With that few teeth, it's a wonder you haven't won the
    lottery yet.
[ ] Yer momma's so fat/stupid/ugly that etc...
[ ] You are a gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary
    ignoramus
[ ] You are bright as Alaska in December
[ ] You are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
[ ] You are not the sharpest knife in the drawer
[ ] You are one neuron short of a synapse
[ ] You are possibly the most annoying person currently alive
[ ] You are really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't
    be
[ ] You are so clueless that I didn't even bother filling in this form
[ ] You are so dense, light bends around you
[ ] You are the reason some groups are moderated
[ ] You couldn't do anything with a brain if you had one
[ ] You fell out of the family tree
[ ] You got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching
[ ] You have a full 6-pack, but lack the plastic thingy to hold it all
     together
[ ] You have a photographic memory, but with the lens cover is glued on
[ ] You have delusions of adequacy
[ ] You have reached rock bottom, and show signs of starting to dig
[ ] You have two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it
[ ] You make Alec/ROBCPW1/Pheonixflame/etc.  look like a genius
[ ] You must have spent your entire life in a box to be this clueless.
     [ ] You are probably not smart enough to find your way out of the box
[ ] You obviously have a very small penis (if any)
[ ] If you can find said penis, bite it off
[ ] You prove that if you broke a body down to it's basic components, it
    would be worth $1.82
[ ] You're going to be on a lot of lists -- they're called
    [ ] Killfiles [ ] Hit lists  [ ] Endangered species
    [ ] Known species of bacteria
    [ ] Known forms of STDs
    [ ] Wanted lists for the GNL Gestapo
    [ ] Other
[ ] You're the reason why abortions are legal
[ ] You remind me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a
    frantic pace, but not really going anywhere at all
[ ] Your IQ does not exceed your rectal temperature (in Celsius)
[ ] Your IQ does not exceed you shoe size
[ ] Your mere existance is a convincing argument for eugenics
[ ] Your mother cleans the teeth of people who suck cocks in Hell
[ ] Your mother wears army boots
[ ] You set low personal standards and then consistently fail to
    achieve them
[ ] You should go far - and the sooner you start, the better
[ ] You were left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby
[ ] You work in GW's Marketing Department, don't you?
[ ] You would be out of your depth in a car park/parking lot puddle
[ ] Most of the above
[ ] All of the above
[ ] Some of the above, not including All of the above
[ ] Other:

Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine your
progress toward being;

[ ] A useful member of Internet society
[ ] A less annoying member of Internet society
[ ] A human being
[ ] A fully-functional human being
[ ] A member of the animal kingdom
[ ] A pathetic, worthless excuse for a complete and utter moron
[ ] A prime candidate for natural de-selection
[ ] A tolerable poster
[ ] A vertebrate
[ ] A viable member of the RGMW community
[ ] BAZ! food
[ ] Biological matter
[ ] Integrated into humanity
[ ] Re-integrated into the wild
[ ] Some form of plant life
[ ] Worthy of converting O2 to CO2
[ ] Other:

Thank you for the time you have taken to read this, and please desist from
the offending behaviour that led to this flame.  Also, FUCK OFF!

**end flame**end flame**end flame**

-Shim.