🚀 go-pugleaf

After the incredible hit my last blog post made - I decided to CC my newest 
blog to this group for everyone's reading pleasure.

Have you ever noticed that things that you liked just . . go away?  You go 
to get them one day, and they're just gone.

Usually the corporate world replaces good things with shittier versions of 
the same.  I find this happening all the time.  I think the theory behind it 
is along the lines that once they realize perfection has been reached, they 
know they can't do anything else to improve - so they fuck it up 
deliberately to keep themselves from being bored.

Being constantly inundated with surveys, and polls - it is amazing that 
companies don't actually know what their customers want.  There are a few 
companies that have particularly pissed me off - and I will tell you about 
them now.

Jamba Juice (formerly Zuka Juice).  Nothing like a delicious ice cold 
smoothie!  Zuka made their smoothies so good that people didn't even call 
them smoothies, they were Zuka Juices, and if anyone disagreed the could 
kiss my ass.  (Ok I might be alone in that sentiment, but nevermind that 
now.)

In 1997 shit started going down - Jamba Juice acquires all Zuka Juice 
locations, but many stores drag their feet in converting over.  During the 
conversion process the fruit ratios of my second favorite drink "The 
Bluesberry" becoming irreversibly mucked making it almost undrinkable. 
HOWEVER, I can forgive, they needed to bring their drinks into compliance - 
and they didn't mess too much with other drinks, but did change the names 
around a little.

June 23, 2005 - I remember it like it was yesterday.  Looks like my marriage 
is ending - I'm sick as hell, so broke I can't see straight, going to get 
kicked out of our apartment - you know, happy time.  So I decide I will 
spend a few bucks and try to make myself happy - a mortal sin anyway.  I go 
to Jamba Juice at 3300 S and 1300 E and order a Peanut Butter Mood (thinking 
I'll be a little rebellious not ordering my usual healthy drink).    I get 
the biggest size with a multiboost and pause for a moment thinking how nice 
it will be.  First sip doesn't really taste right - but I attribute it to 
having been sick.  Back in the car it tastes like there is no peanut butter 
at all - and that is when it hits.  The moterfuckers gave me a chocholate 
mood instead of a peanut butter mood effectively substituting one of the 
nastiest drinks in their inventory.   It was the straw that broke the 
camel's back.  I was furious, pissed beyond all comprehension.   If they 
hadn't changed the name from Peanut Butter Bash in the first place they 
wouldn't sound the same so people could hear what fucking drink I wanted 
over the sound of the damn blenders.

So I go back, almost a year later - I knew it wasn't their fault then and I 
know it's not their fault now.  I figure I can set things right, I go in to 
order a peanut butter mood with a multiboost and . . .  The peanut butter 
mood is gone with no explanation, the multiboost gone, no one knows why. 
Here's the kicker, they can't charge me 50 cents and just home brew a 
multiboost - they have to be fuckers like that.

I don't know who runs this company, I'm sure it's some 13 year old boy who 
interrupts his masturbation session long enough to fuck with the menu, and 
then when sales drop they try to go back and find out what they fucked with 
caused this.  Fucking assholes.  I've probably spent thousands of dollars at 
Zuka/Jamba in my life, and they will be lucky if they get me to go back once 
or twice a year now.   I'll suck down a chalky nasty Orange Julius.

Nesquik (sp?) - same thing now.  Without a doubt Nesquik was my favorite 
beverage.  I was addicted to them, like someone is addicted to speed - I 
would get shakey without my nesquik - just ask James.  Then a coup de main 
comes and within 1 week every bottle of nesquik in every store has the 
labeling changed to say low fat.  It doesn't taste right, but I just tell 
myself I am giving myself a head trip - so I decide to compare the labelling 
of two bottles of Nesquik to find out the truth.  (I wanted convince myself 
it hadn't changed.)   But - it had changed, they came and made it nasty so 
they could write low fat on it.  I tried everything, checked every service 
station and store in town - the conclusion was inescapable.   Nesquik had 
taken the best chocolate milk on the face of the Earth, and made it shitty 
because some fat Republican gun toating corporate asshole billionaire 
somewhere thought that people bought Nesquik as a god damn diet drink.  I 
drink milk chugs down - the ones in the dark bottle that are not low fat. 
(The ones in the lighter brown bottle taste like the aforementioned fat guy 
stuck his dick into them.)

Taco Time had the finest, most delicious fast food item in the world The 
Southwest Spicey Chicken Burrito.  (I think that's what it is called it has 
been a few years.)  This think had lightly crisped pieces of chicken, the 
perfect mix of vegitables with onions cooked in a way so they wouldn't 
crunch and you couldn't taste them.  It was so good.  So about 3 years ago I 
went into the Taco Time to order my burrito and they said, "Oh that was just 
a limited time offer."  I'm afraid my patronage too was a limited time 
offer.  Haven't been back since.

More recently, Arbys - they came up with the 5 for 5.95 deal.  You mix and 
match their most common items, get five and only pay 5.95.  (Not bad for a 
place whose common items have a median price of about 3 bucks.)  They 
finally had a way to keep their ticket prices a little higher like they 
like, but still have something to compete with McDonald's dollar menu.  Not 
to mention, Arby's food is generally better than McDonalds anyway.  Gone one 
day - like every Arby's promotion since the beginning of time.  Arby's 
refuses to keep deals constantly in stores to attract customers.  They have 
to keep their image of being a premium brand I suppose.  I wonder how many 
roast beef sandwhiches they have sold compared to McDonalds over 99 billion 
burgers.  Hmmm . .  After this many decades - I don't think they'll ever get 
it.

So I've decided corporations suck as bad as our government.

--
LTP

:)