🚀 go-pugleaf

http://www.gdhardware.com/ed/gaming_cynic/candyass/001.htm

(the article's a little old, but then so am I...slow too)


"You might be a Candy-Ass FPS Gamer if…"

1. You hear the word float – the first thing that comes to your mind is a sniper scope.

2. You think that "strategic gameplay" means you sit in one spot and camp for longer than 60
seconds.

3. You’ve never done a rocket-jump.

4. You’re waiting with baited breath for (enter name of next-gen console here).

5. You’ve never been to a LAN party.

6. You’re stoked about the news of an XBOX 360 controller for the PC.

7. Your idea of practice is spending two hours surfing the net for an aim hack.

8. You refuse to install that "Punkbuster" thingy because you’re worried it might block Kazaa.

9. You’ve never been invited to join a clan.

10. You’re too young to vote in an election but you’ve demanded a gameplay patch from a
developer.

11. You’ve spent less than fifty hours playing a multiplayer title and have decided it’s “not
fair” and everyone else is “cheating”.

12. You refuse to use any weapon that carries less than 500 rounds, has a rate of fire below 300
rounds per minute, or doesn’t utilize “splash damage”.

13. You have never memorized a map or the locations of weapons and power-ups.

14. You’ve never competed in an online tournament.

15. You don’t have time to hone your skills because your geometry homework is overdue.

16. Your only knowledge of World War II is via cutscenes.

17. You’ve never hammered on your keyboard and then kept playing.

18. You minimize your game more than three times per match to type a message in Xfire, ICQ or
AIM.

19. You’ve never figured out what the point of that “frisbee gun” is in Unreal Tournament.

20. You’d rather spray paint your logo on the wall than spray your opponents all over the wall.

21. (For Thresh) If you think Xfire is the name of a Chrysler product!

If the shoe fits, then wear it, and by all means—less talk more practice. You wanna feel like
you’re king of the hill? Work for it. It’s not the developers’ responsibility to make you feel
good about yourself. That’s your mommy’s job, and we ain’t her. It’s a tough old world out there
in the servers, and if you’re weak, then prepare to lose. Just remember—how you take losing and
what you do to fix it is as important as winning. Now go get ready for bed, Candy-Ass—it’s a
school night.

Apathy[AGQx]
Ipsa Scientia Potentia Est>>===> 
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