🚀 go-pugleaf

In article <3A1B324A...@home.com>,
 ThamahT wrote:
>Noteworthy Dates in Yank History:-
>1917 - World War 1 begins...
>1918 - when the USA won World War 1
>1941 - World War 2 begins...
>1945 - when the USA won World War 2
> Why didn't you win?
 Errr..... I *think* the British came out on top BOTH times....
> I'm sure you coulda done it without us.
 .... and we got involved from the start !!...

>Q. Why do Yank women dislike sunbathing nude on the beach?
>A. Theyre afraid GreenPeace will tow them back out to sea.
 Oh, come *on* ...... just look at *any* guest on just about *any*
 American Chat Show, (female OR male).... and the term
 "Lard-Bucket" soon comes to mind !! ;-)

> Cute. Maybe I just live on the better side of the US, but in my
> school, I'd say roughly 5% of the girls are overweight.
 ... but given the s-i-z-e of the above "guests", how does an
 American define "normal" or "over" weight ?!?!....

>>Q. Whats the difference between a Yank and a parrot?
>>A. One is loud, repetitive, and obnoxious, the other is a bird.
> We have to be, idiots like you take time to get through to.
  Gee, Jeb .. ah thought!! them thar long words wuz insultin^ ..
  .... what duz "loud" mean .. agin ?!?

>>While driving along the track, two Redneck Yanks come to a
>>Bridge with a sign: "Clearance 12 feet". Jeb gets out to measure
>>his truck, which is 12 foot 4 inches high... then looks around
>>shiftily.... "Not a Cop in sight, C^mon, lets take a chance!!".
>I'm not a redneck.  I hate rednecks.
 So does half of America.... the "Black" half !?!...

>>Q. How many Yanks does it take to change a light-bulb?.
>>A. 15. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs, four to
>>*comment* on how "funny-looking" the dark bulbs are, three
>>to hire a local "darkie" to change the bulb, two to take pictures,
>>and one to buy postcards in case the pictures dont come out.
> And I suppose your country sitting on it's ass while Hitler violated
> the treaty of Versailles repeatedly was allowed because you extended
> tea time? .....
 WE were just waiting for the U.S. of A. to join in ;-)

>>Q. What do you call a field full of Yanks?
>>A. A vacant lot.
> ::chuckle::  Cmon, you can do better than that. I've not heard "What
> do you call a field full of |||||||?" since 4th grade....
 Sometimes the *old* jokes are the best!!....
  Speaking of which, have Y^all decided WHICH votes to "count" and
 WHICH votes to ... er ... "ignore" yet, in THAT "old/long running"
 Joke ?!?!?....

>>Q. What do you do when a Yank throws a hand-grenade at you?
>>A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
>Handgrenades are crap, and anyone who uses one should be killed.
>Personally, I prefer fully automatic weapons, you can have so much
>more fun with them.
 Yup ;-) ... take ^em to school, shoot up the class, get on CNN....
 *decides NOT to comment on Americas crazy gun-culture/mentality*

>>Q. What does a Yank say when you ask him if his car indicator
>>is working??.
>>A. "Its off...its on.... Its off...its on.... Its off...its on....
>>Its off...its on.... Its off...its on...."
> Q. What did the 4 people I foward this joke to say?  (One from
> Britain, one Japan, one Canada, and one US)
> A.  What idiot thought that up?
 I^ve *already* had to  e-x-p-l-a-i-n  this to one >American<, who
 couldnt work out it referred, (Of course), to Left/Right Turn
 indicators !! ....

>>Pic of "typical" (average weight) Yanks:
http://www.unm.edu/~litzapie/index.html

> Pic of tealc_sg1:
> http://www.goatse.cx/hello.jpg
 must look THAT one up later !!!.... ?!?

>>What did OJ Simpson say after his trial, (in one of the Yanks
>>most *respected* courts)?.
>>"Gee.... can I have my gloves back now??"
> I personally think OJ shoulda been fried.
 (note the American "Revenge Culture" manifesting itself again)
 well, we BOTH agree he got away with it, then !! ;-)

>>the best "Joke" of all..... GEORGE DUBYA "Kill the Retards" BUSH !!.....
>>     Edward...@MailAndNews.com
> I don't like him either.  He looks like a goddamn elf.
 just visualise a couple of little "devil" horns on his head and he looks
 FAR worse ?!?..

>>A little Yank boy and girl were playing, when the little girl
>>asked,"Do you wanna get undressed so we can play Doctor?".....
>>The little boy replied, "That's too old-fashioned"...
>>"Spit out your gum, I want to play President".......
> I hate to burst your bubble, but France has been doing that for years
> and years, and the head of state there is called "President" too.
 But in FRANCE the girl takes her gum out first.... ;-)
 In AMERICA you get it all over your ..... :-(

>>A clever Yank, a dumb Yank, Father Christmas and the Easter
>>Bunny were walking along the road when they saw a $50 bill
>>on the ground. Who picked it up??.
>>The DUMB Yank, of course, the other three dont exist!.
>That's one of those blanket racist jokes you can tailor to any group,
> and I hate ta tell ya, but it's been used before.Used too many times
> before.
  Yup..... "Next !!" ....

>>Q. Whats the best definition of a Yank?
>>A. Someone who knows how to bend the peak of a Baseball
>>hat six different ways.
> And I'm supposed to be offended because people can bend baseball hats
> in different ways?....
 only if thats their "finest achievement" of the day......
> At least we know how to shave and brush our teeth.
 ....and just *what* country inflicted "ZZ TOP" on the world ... (I think ??)

>>On the Sixth Day God turned to Gabriel and said, "Today I am
>>going to create a land called *Canada*. It will be a land of
>>outstanding natural beauty, have majestic mountains full of
>>bears and eagles, beautiful lakes full of fish, forests full of
>>elk and moose, and I shall make that land rich in oil so all the
>>inhabitants shall prosper...."
>>"But Lord", said Gabriel, "Dont you think youre being just a
>>little *too* generous to these "Canadians" ???..."
>>God grinned..... "Not really.... just wait and see what sort of
>>*neighbours* theyre gonna get!".

>Canada?  That's just funny.  I'm sure you're proud of Canada.  What
>the hell happened in Canada that has been worth noting?
 "Happened ?!?"... I was saying its got better *scenery", thats all....

 Then on the Seventh Day God created "England", so one day the
 barren wastes of "America" would be Colonized, Civilized,
 Educated ..... and in return give us "McDonalds" ....

 "GOD !!" .... "What the F*ck were you thinking ?!?!" ....

>>Only in America!!!..
>>1. A Yank eating sugar-frosted,honey-coated,deep fat-fried
>>cheese sticks.... while drinking a Diet Coke!.
>>2. Bumper Stickers that say "Honk if you hate noise pollution"
> You miss the fine points of irony, don't you?
 .... next time you see some "Overweight" American piggin himself
 and drinking "*Diet* Coke" you^ll realize THAT "comment" had no
 place among these "Jokes" !?! :-)

>>Q. Whats a Yanks idea of a seven-course meal?.
>>A. A bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a six-pack of Bud.
> Q. What's your idea of a good joke?

Q. What did the American do when he heard 90% of accidents occur
around the home ?? ...
A. He moved ...

Q. Why is it OK for Americans to catch a cold ?? ...
A. They dont have to worry about blowing their brains out ...

Did you hear about the American who had a brain transplant ???...
The brain rejected him two days later...

A survey of 50 countries showed America has the highest percentage
of obese people. What d^you expect... Butter is their national vegetable!.

 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? .....

>>NOT a Joke: Squabbling like kids over recounts, deciding whether
>>to include ALL the votes, and arguing about dimples in ballot
>>papers !! ;-)
> It is a joke.  At least, I've been laughing for a while now.
 ... as above, has that woman decided which votes to INCLUDE, and
which votes to IGNORE, to get her Dear Dubya in, yet ?!? :-)))

>>Q. Why cant a Yank work as an Elevator Operator?
>>A. He might forget the route.
> Q. Since when has the US needed elevator operators?
A. Musta been watchin too many *old* films :-(

> > Repeat yourself much?
 No, not usually ...    ..... No, not usually ...

>> This has been fun, actually.  A bit of a stress reliever.  I now know
>> that while there may be some idiots near where I live, none of them
>> even comes close to the bottom of the barrel.
 ...but as soon as they *lose* 50 lbs, they^ll be able to reach it easily.

> |=- DISCLAIMER:-
 The above comments were/are not those of *ANY* NG Poster, but
 extracts from those published in an English National Newspaper,
 (clearly "Taking the P*ss" out of the "Couldnt organize a piss-up
 in a Brewery"-type U.S.A. election Comedy Show !!.....

* Replies to :-  Box. 0576
 is_th...@stillavirgin.co.uk
 The_Chlo...@fan-club.co.uk


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