🚀 go-pugleaf

....bah.  Okay, so I fogot to post 11 Results to Usenet. I'm really sorry.
^_^  Anyone who needs to catch up, do so now before heading over to Section
12...

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UVR3: REINVENTING THE WHEEL
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SECTION ELEVEN RESULTS
===============================

"Maybe after I'm done working you over I'll do some cardio," Super Macho
Man bragged as he waited for Kai to stagger to his feet. "Or work on my
pecs."

"Urrghllr," Kai gurgled.

"Now boarding the first-class train to Loserville, little man!" Super Macho
Man boasted, his fist making an audible wiggling noise as he pulled his
fist back and shook it in preparation for another Super Spin Punch.

Kai's eyes opened in sudden realization.

"WhoooooooaaaaaAAAAIYA!" Super Macho Man screamed as he released the punch.
His fist made an audible "whoooosh" noise and pulverized a few stray cold
germs and dust particles as it whizzed straight over the ducking Kai's
head.

"Ha!" Kai yelled, popping back to a standing position. "*Now* you're in
trouble!"

Super Macho Man recovered from sending all his body weight around in the
Super Spin Punch just in time to turn around and see Kai, with his clothes
billowing around his white tiger stripes in a fearsome manner, go into a
handstand and stay perfectly still.

"...do you think you can come a little closer for this?" Kai asked.

Kai, upside down, again heard the audible wiggle of Super Macho Man's fist
shaking and pulling back.

"*Oh* hell."

"WhooooooaaaaaAAAIYA!" Super Macho Man screamed as he released the Super
Spin Punch. The punch slammed into Kai's legs, flipping him end over end
like a thrown popsicle stick as he flew, in a perfectly horizontal line,
straight into the electrified ropes.

"Or maybe my quads," Super Macho Man told Kai as Kai fell out of the ropes
and onto the mat.

"Rrglhrf," Kai breathed as he wearily stood up.

Super Macho Man punched his boxing gloves together and grinned arrogantly
as he casually strode towards Kai with intent to finish him off. Super
Macho Man kept an eye on Kai at all times as the shaolin warrior staggered,
which meant that he clearly saw Kirby skittle on up behind Kai and back-
suplex him off the mat.

Kai bounced out of the ring, and landed face-first alone on a gray plain
underneath a giant bright yellow sun. He lay still for a couple seconds,
rolled onto his back, and was blown into the air by a land mine as the sun
frowned at him.


_Row 83_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" a man cried in despair, leaping to his feet
with his hands on his head. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I BET MY *LIFE SAVINGS* ON
KAI! HE CAN'T BE ELIMINATED! HE HAS TO WIN IT ALL! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


_Control Booth_

"Can we get security to get that guy out of here?" Wanderer asked.

"Not if he sets himself on fire," Birdman said, pointing.

"What? ...oh. Huh."


_The Ring_

"HEY!" Super Macho Man demanded angrily, storming towards Kirby.

Kirby waved to him. "Hi-i-ii!" Kirby piped.

"No fair! You stole my win!" Super Macho Man complained.

Kirby gave him a very cute smile and cheerfully scampered off towards the
other side of the ring.

"Hey, get back here!"

Meanwhile, in another part of the ring...

"PREDICTABLE!"

"Ow! That's not fair!" Ibuki hit the ground again, courtesy of another
counter by Geese. She couldn't understand it. He was grabbing her out of
*everything*, no matter how fast she moved. That did it.

"Well, fine then! Try and grab this! YOROI DOSHOI!" This time it *had* to
work...

But at the same time...

"IBUKI! Don't worry, I'm going to help you!"

Sean. Rushing behind Geese...

"Oh, you'll help *someone*, undoubtedly." Geese smiled, and grabbed Sean by
the front of his gi. With one arm, he flipped Sean over, in front of him,
between himself and Ibuki.

"EEEEEP! Sean, no!"

Too late.

"YEAOWhooooooooaaaaaa..." The large energy ball launched Sean out of the
ring with a quickness.

"Damn it!" Ibuki stomped the floor and pouted.

Sean landed in Shaq-Fu. It was soon renamed to "Sean-Fu." (Now available on
Sega Genesis.)

"Why you--you... that's not FAIR! So totally not unfair, I mean, um... oh
yeah. *Not fair*!" Ibuki growled at Geese.

"Was it? Forgive me. I don't believe I was around when it was declared that
taking advantage of human stupidity is unfair," Geese said, his smile never
leaving his face.

"Ooooooh! We'll see if you're so smug when you've got a broken neck!
Haaah!" Ibuki huddled low to the ground and rushed. In the end, she seemed
to actually *slide* along the ground, approaching Geese, and stretching out
her hands for the kill.

"TOO EASY!"

Those same hands, as well as the arms attached to them, were very quickly
grabbed, and before Ibuki knew what was going on, she found herself falling
through the dimensional field.

"Next time, do not TELL your opponent exactly what you are about to do to
them," Geese yelled at Ibuki. "It makes these fights so much more
entertaining!"

Ibuki landed, in all places, a dojo , and a very old-fashioned looking one
at that. She was surrounded in utter silence, save for the chirping of
crickets.

The silence was soon broken by a loud female yell, and a large thump behind
her. Ibuki instinctively rolled away and to her feet.

"Makoto, if this is you, you are *so* dead when I can see," the ninja girl
muttered as she fought somebody in the lack of light who used... strangely
enough, a *very* similar fighting style to her own.

No way. This wasn't Makoto. If she didn't think fast, she was shishkebab.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Ibuki yelled in Japanese. "I'm not a thief! I just
landed here from the UVR! Didn't you get the notice?"

Silence. Then, the torches were lit, to reveal a girl, about Ibuki's size
and figure, completely dressed in black standing above her. "That statement
saved your life."

"Well. I'm glad I made it then." Ibuki laughed nervously.

"Please. Forgive me. My name's Ayame. Nice to meet you." She took off her
mask, and stretched out her hand to help Ibuki up.

But the kunoichi didn't get up. Instead, she simply stuttered. "A-a-a-a-
a--"

"Is something wrong?" Ayame looked puzzled.

Ibuki continued to stare and stutter. She looked exactly like her... and
that name... she'd heard that name before. This couldn't be... her....

"Great-great-great-great...."

Ibuki fainted dead away.


_Klaymodo Island_

"For the last time: stop moving so I can eat you!"

"Eat this, fatty!" Taffy stretched his arm out to punch Chang in the gut.
Chang barely even flinched. The reformee monster still stalked the Candy
Man.

"Come on! I haven't eaten in almost... a half hour! God, has it been that
long?!"

Taffy kept running, spitting gumballs as a defensive tactic... which didn't
work. The gumballs that Chang didn't catch to eat later simply bounced off
his enormous gut. Taffy's plan of wearing the giant down wasn't working.
Despite his size, few things slowed Chang down when a meal was on the line.

Back to the fight, Taffy still had one last trick up his non-existent
sleeve. He dodged the downward swing of Chang's iron ball and rolled past
him, through his legs. Out of nowhere, he pulled out a yellow handgun and
pointed it at Chang's head.

"Didn't your mama tell you sweets would be the end of you? Kablam, sucka!"
Taffy opened fire.

Unfortunately, the bullets were edible. Each one landed in Chang's open
mouth, except one.

That one got lodged up his nose.

"Haww..."

Taffy realized he was out of bullets.

"Hawwwww..."

Taffy's eyes widened.

"HAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Taffy was plastered onto the wall, flatter than usual. Chang peeled him off
and chomped onto his head. With some effort he tore his foe into two
pieces. Usually Chang disliked tagging along with Kim for his adventures.
For UVR3, he was beginning to make an exception.


_The Ring_

Galford didn't know who the guy in the funny suit was, but he recognized
the old Red, White, and Blue when he saw it. Right now, he was seeing it
being burned off the guy by energy bursts, most of which were coming from a
big guy in an armored suit.

"Well, that clinches it! C'mon, Poppy!" Galford broke into a run, his
faithful wolf by his side. "Justice will prevail!"

"No, it won't!" Xianghua muttered. She blocked one of Voldo's katar with
her sword. "I keep *telling* people that--" She had an idea.

Voldo couldn't see or hear Xianghua fighting him. He couldn't speak. How he
fought... well, go ahead and ask the deaf-mute guy how he fights. It ought
to be fun.

Therefore, he didn't hear Xianghua throw her sword down, and didn't react
to an obvious trick. He stood there, weaving, ready for any incoming
attacks, as Xianghua shouted, "Oh, help! Help! This *bad man* is *hurting
me*!"

"What?" Galford said. "Not to worry, miss! Galford is here!" He jumped all
the way over Xianghua and landed in front of Voldo, brandishing his ninja-
to.

"Oh, *thank* you, brave ninja!" Xianghua said. She collected her sword from
the floor and quietly ran off.

"No worries, miss!" Galford said, smiling at her. "I can--hm. Ran off."

Voldo intercepted Galford's ninja-to with one of his katar, and stabbed at
Galford's chest with the other one. Galford barely twisted to the side, and
the katar only cut air. Voldo kept up the assault, his twin katar stabbing
in at Galford from seemingly impossible angles, and Galford found it near-
impossible to keep up.

Finally, he ran out of the ordinary sort of tricks. Voldo batted Galford's
sword from his hand with one katar, and thrust forward with the other. He
was the only man in the RumbleDome who was surprised when the katar hit a
log.

Galford picked his sword up from the mat, and grinned. Voldo couldn't seem
to get his katar out of the log; he was pulling at it frantically, to no
avail.

A plan occurred to Galford.

He yelled, and waved his sword, and charged Voldo, Poppy barking by his
side, and Voldo met his charge with a jabbing thrust. Had it connected, it
would've disemboweled Galford.

It hit another log, and it, too, got stuck.

Voldo, weighted down with a log on either arm, was easy pickings. Galford
stood in front of him, measured the man's weight versus the required
distance, and thrust-kicked him *just* hard enough to send him out of the
ring.

Voldo crashed through a wall in Jack's stage in Power Stone. Jack came up
to Voldo, poked him, and giggled.

During this time, Xianghua had made the mistake of trying to get in close
to Clark. Clark grabbed Xianghua's opera sword in mid-slash.

"...hmph," he said.

The next few minutes were like a guided tour of the ring, albeit one
punctuated by Xianghua's head getting jammed into the mat like a lawn dart
every few seconds. After a final slam near the edge, Xianghua was dizzy
*and* winded, making for a easy elimination.

Xianghua landed on a small raft back in her home node. She could see a man
practicing swipes with a katana on the other side of it.

"Hey, I know you! Mitsurugi-san! Hi!" Xianghua waved cheerfully.

"Mitsurugi" cocked his head towards the young girl. "I'm sorry, were you
addressing me? I think you might be mistaken."

"Huh?"

"My name... is Arthur."

Xianghua blinked, then laughed. "Come on, Mitsu, stop playing around! By
the way, do you know how far we are from the next town?"

"I assure you, lady, my name is Arthur."

Now Xianghua was getting annoyed. "No it's not! It's Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur."

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arth--"


_Control Booth_

"I miss Cartoon Network," Birdman sighed as he switched off the
DimensionCam.


_The Ring_

"Come on!" Yamazaki taunted Yang. As Yang tried to get up, Yamazaki kicked
him in the ribs, which sent him sprawling again. "Get up! Come on!"

Yang attempted to leap up at Ryuji with a thrust palm to the chin, but had
to swerve to avoid a knife slice aimed at his head. Yang, off-balance, lost
his footing and fell onto his back.

Ryuji took this opportunity to kick him in the head.

"Get up. Come on!" Yamazaki started again, kicking Yang in the ribs as he
scrambled. "This is pathetic! Is this the best you're going to do?"

Yang sprung up again, grabbing a handful of Ryuji's hair.

"Oh!" Ryuji mocked. "Gonna try and pull my hair, huh? You think a catfight
is how you're going to take me dowwhoaAAA--"

Yang kneed Ryuji in the face as hard and fast as he could, then backflipped
away, leaving Yamazaki to drop to the mat. "Don't underestimate me," Yang
warned.

Ryuji wiped a small trickle of blood from his forehead. "Cute. But now--"

Kirby, fully inflated, flew straight through the standoff between Ryuji and
Yang as fast as he could.

"Hold still!" Super Macho Man ordered, waving his fists around and chasing
Kirby as he charged past Yang. "I'll get you!"

Yang and Ryuji continued to stare at each other.

"Where were we?" Yang asked calmly.

"I believe," Ryuji said, "that I was about to see how many places you can
bleed from."

Ryuji abruptly lurched forward with a wild knife slash, hitting nothing as
he felt his young opponent launch over him using his head for support.
Ryuji whirled around and took a launching upwards kick to the face,
knocking him flat on his back.

"BOOT TO THE HEAD!" Yoshimitsu announced, then lost interest and wandered
off.

Ryuji got to his feet and saw Yang rolling towards him. Ryuji, who was
still a little dazed, prepared for another kick to the chin.

That kick never came.

Yang had miscalculated the distance needed by about a foot, and as a result
launched his kick upwards just a *little* too early.

"Aw, crap. Not *again*--"

Yamazaki's Snake Arm plowed into Yang's chest. Yang went flying backward,
still upside down, and just barely clipped the top of the forcefield. He
tried to grab on, but it didn't do any good; Yang fell through the
dimensional gate... into a Korea.

"You need to remain focused on your training," Jae Hoon Kaphwan told his
brother Dong Hwan.

"Look, dude, if I want to have a little--"

Yang fell out of a cloudless sky and landed on top of Dong Hwan.

"Because otherwise *you would have seen that coming*," Jae Hoon continued.

"Yeah, yeah," Dong Hwan complained from under Yang. "Ow."

"Sorry," Yang apologized.

Ryuji popped his neck and smirked, then grew extremely annoyed when Kirby
led Super Macho Man to run full-speed into Ryuji.

"Ow!" Super Macho Man yelled. "Out of my way, punk!"

"*Punk*?" Ryuji blurted, axe kicking Super Macho Man in the head.

Meanwhile, Geese Howard had his hands full. He'd blundered into the middle
of Haohmaru and Genjuro's duel, courtesy of a well-timed shoulderblock from
Captain America. Now, he was forced to fight them both at the same time.

It wasn't working out real well.

"Double Reppuken!"

The ground projectile nicked Haohmaru's leg, stunning him. Before Geese
could follow it up, Genjuro slashed him across the back. A hanafuda card
appeared over Geese and split in half.

Geese quickly spun, and a backfist found Genjuro's chin. As Geese slammed
Genjuro into the ground, a recovered Haohmaru popped up from the mat and
kicked him in the face. Geese's head snapped around, and his body followed
suit. He spun to the mat, and lay there.

Genjuro grabbed Geese's arm to pick him up.

"HA! IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THIS COMBATANT, AS MUCH TROUBLE AS HE WAS, IS NO
MATCH FOR NEITHER ME, THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU NOR MY LEGENDARY PROTEGE
GENJURO! IN FACT, I WILL ALLOW YOU TO TOSS THIS PIECE OF UNLEGENDARY TRASH
OUT OF THE RING! FOR WE ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO BEING THE WINNER, WHICH
FORTUNE WILL SHOW HAS TO BE ME, FOR MY OVERPOWERING ABILITY OF BEING
LEGENDARY, AND THE RUNNER-UP, A POSITION PREVIOUSLY HELD BY THE UNDOUBTEDLY
DESTINED FOR LEGENDARY STATUS BISHAMON!"

Genjuro let Geese's arm drop, and went for his sword. His eyes narrowed.

On the mat, ignored by both Haohmaru and Genjuro, Geese opened one eye.

"--hold on for a second, for I don't understand what you're talking about
when you claim that I am your protege, because it is common knowledge that
you suck when compared to the abilities that I contain and I will defeat
you and you should feel lucky that I am sticking with you and have your
back as long as the two of us our in this ring because as much as I despise
you, I am a man of my word when it suits me to be one and you should--"

"RAGING... STORM!"

A pillar of white fire consumed the ring where Geese was standing. Haohmaru
and Genjuro, standing on either side of him, arguing, never saw it coming.

Neither did Captain America, who joined the two samurai a moment later.
With Rikuo and Jon Talbain, he had fallen to the mat in a smoking heap, the
victim of Dr. Doom's Photon Array; when he pulled himself to his feet,
weaving slightly but still ready to fight, Super Macho Man Tornado Punched
him across the ring. Cap hit the Raging Storm and writhed there, suspended
above the mat.

The Storm died a few seconds later. Genjuro flew across the ring, knocking
Clark over, while Cap simply slumped to the mat. Haohmaru, on the other
hand, flew up, over, and through, into...


_The City of Townsville_

Haohmaru landed hard into the floor. His blurry vision vanished to see a
monkey with a giant brain taunting him, angrily.

"How dare you barge into my fortress, which is the fortress that belongs to
me?! I will not stand for an ignoramus with a bad haircut and horrible
taste in clothing, which both look very horrible indeed, as your haircut is
bad and your clothing is worse, both of which were obviously gotten from
*bad people*, to disturb the very evil and not good plans of the great MOJO
JOJO!"

Haohmaru raised an eyebrow.

"Which is me!" the monkey concluded. He crossed his arms and stood there,
letting a remarkably selective wind blow his cape around.

Haohmaru unsheathed his blade. Before he could respond with a louder and
more mind-numbing speech, three bright lasers blasted through the walls.
All three struck Mojo Jojo, who writhed for a moment, then collapsed.

Haohmaru blinked.

Then he sheathed his sword.

*Then* he promptly took a nap on Mojo Jojo's couch.

It's rare to find Haohmaru speechless.


_The Ring_

Genjuro, shaking his head to clear it, stumbled off of his back and to his
feet in order to survey the situation.

"--well that's just great, after all that work that I went to keeping that
wussy loser around so that I could defeat him in honourable combat by my
own sword he gets overwhelmed by his own suckiness and out he goes like the
loser that he is, and now I must again forge my own path of destiny and so
I will go after the other man who fell into that same attack that my
pathetic adversary was defeated by, and as such will use him as a
replacement for my idiot foe--"

Captain America sighed. "I see where this is going." At this rate, he'd
never get to "talk" to Howard.

Genjuro tossed a hanafuda card towards the Captain, who held his shield in
front of him and dashed forward--

"CHARGING STAR!"

--and was promptly plucked out of his charge by Genjuro's uppercut slash,
knocking him into the air dangerously close to the ropes.

"--if that's the best you're going to do against me then may I suggest that
perhaps you should simply leap over the ropes and out of the competition
right now in order to save yourself some dignity and not be humiliated in
crushing defeat such as that which I was *supposed to* be able to inflict
upon my hated enemy--"

"STARS AND STRIPES!"

Genjuro easily dodged. Genjuro punished Captain America upon the latter's
landing with three slashes, sending him up into the air again. The crowd
collectively gasped when Captain America almost cleared the ropes, landing
on his side with a loud thud just short of elimination.

"Urgh..." Captain America wavered on the edge of consciousness for several
seconds, staring at the ropes in a daze. He was about to pass out when he
was roused by the sound of... barking?

Captain America groggily turned his head to one side to see a large wolf,
grinning happily. Poppy licked his face a couple times and barked really,
really loudly again.

"Do not worry, my fellow American!" Galford called, his sword impacting
against Genjuro's sword and pushing them both back. "I shall come to your
aid!"

"Yes," Captain America said fuzzily as he took a sitting position and
stayed in it to clear his head. "A good plan." Poppy barked in his ear
again, continuing to help the superhero focus.

Genjuro dodged a slash from Galford and kicked him away, then dashed
towards Captain America.

"--if there's one thing I always say it's that one should get while the
getting is good which would have been a good idea now that I think about it
because then I could have taken that tortfeasor Haohmaru and seperated his
head from his shoulders from his arms from his torso from his legs and then
I could have taken his otherwise useless arms and legs and beaten him with
thOOF--"

Poppy leapt forward and slammed into Genjuro's stomach. Cap let out a
relieved breath.

Genjuro, the wind knocked out of him, had to stop running to catch his
breath. This gave Galford the opportunity he needed to catch up, and one
Double Mega Strike Heads later Genjuro was sent over the ropes and through
the dimensional field.

Mojo Jojo made an audible squeak when Genjuro landed on him, alerting
Haohmaru to his presense as he leapt off the couch and alertly took a
fighting stance.

Haohmaru stared at Genjuro.

Genjuro stared at Haohmaru.

Then the two of them charged towards each other at top speed, swords drawn.


_Control Booth_

"And they're off!" Birdman announced, firing an imaginary gun.

"You are so lame," Wanderer said.


_The Ring_

The War Mech, built by the smartest of the dwarves in the Dwarf Kingdom of
the Mace node, is powered by technology that is years ahead of its time.

Unfortunately, said technology was still only steam and gunpowder.

Sure, it would've been really neat in the Middle Ages, but Dr. Doom wasn't
really impressed.

Gar Gudrunson, pilot of the Mech, grunted in pain as his mighty machine
fell to the canvas. This was impossible. Could his vision have failed him?
Could his machine have failed him?

He refused to believe it, even as the green-suited metal golem picked War
Mech up by its arm. Desperately, Gar activated his mech's ultimate weapon:
a ball of metal that would travel at tremendous speeds, surely obliterating
his opponent.

Dr. Doom, who was already facing the edge of the ring, launched War Mech
out with a power blast from one of his gauntlets. At the same time, the War
Mech fired.

War Mech landed in The Misadventures of Tron Bonne, in front of the Nakkai
Ruins, and directly in front of Tron herself. Tron's jaw dropped at the
sight of it, and she was unable to do or say anything for the next fifteen
minutes, except to just... stare.

(Needless to say, this worried her Servbots--except for #26, who was glad
to have a break from the girl's bossiness, if only for a short while.)


_Room 1675, RumbleDome Hotel_

Ichiro Tsunami led Taki and Magneto through the hallways. The three
remained quiet and to themselves for the trip, stopping every couple
minutes to make sure that there was nobody following them. They were in
luck, as they received no trouble from fellow competitors or security
personnel.

The dark samurai kept one hand on his sword's handle while stretching out
his other hand, prompting Magneto and Taki to stop.

"We are here." Ichiro turned his head to the hidden camera near the door.
Almost immediately, it opened. He stepped in and waved the other two to
follow.

Taki waited for the door to close behind her before speaking. "Are we to
wait here before Doom arrives?"

"Why should you wait when Dr. Doom is here?"

Taki looked over in shock upon hearing the voice. Across the room, next to
an exceptionally large screen, Dr. Doom himself was sitting on a throne. A
strange, muscular man with a jaguar's head stood in front of him with his
arms crossed, almost like a guard.

Taki had to check the monitor to make sure that Doom was still in the ring.
She turned to Magneto, who wasn't surprised at all. Instead, he was wearing
a satisfied smile, as if something he'd suspected had been confirmed.

"How...?" Taki began to ask.


_The Ring_

Doom turned away from his latest elimination. The enormous rent in his
armor's side, a little souvenir from the War Mech, didn't seem to worry
him.

The fact that the rent revealed smoking circuitry and sparking wires didn't
worry him either.

"A Doombot. I should have known," Captain America muttered. His day was
getting better and better.

"Yes!" Galford said, almost unconsciously striking a Heroic Pose (tm). "We
must take it down!"

Cap shot Galford a wary look. "You seem enthusiastic."

"Hey, I'm always enthusiastic about *justice*--" Galford caught a plasma
beam with his chest in mid-thumbs up. Poppy barked in surprise.

"I commend you on your keen observational skills," the Doombot said to
Captain America across the ring.

"I wish I could say this is going to be a new experience for me," Captain
America said, holding his shield in front of him.

"You will find that my powers of observation are quite keen as well,"
Doombot said over his shoulder.

"Yes, I'm sure I will," Clark said, and tried to slap a full nelson on the
Doombot. The Doombot leapt away from him, catching him in a Molecular
Shield. The same Shield stopped Poppy, who bounced off the floating rocks
in mid-dash.

"Justice will prevail, dude! PLASMA BLADE!" Galford threw twin blades of
energy at the Doombot. The Doombot drew its gun and fired, blasting both
Galford and his projectile with one shot. Clark grumbled and dashed forward
at the Doombot from behind, still sore from the Molecular Shield, but once
again, the Doombot was too fast for him. It took to the air, flying over
Clark's head, and blasted him to the mat with both gauntlets.

It prepared to finish Clark, but Captain America's shield knocked it out of
the air. More importantly, the shield trashed the Doombot's left rocket
thruster, which was keeping it aloft.

The Doombot circled downwards in a tailspin. As it neared the mat, Cap took
a deep breath and launched a Final Justice, for what seemed to be the
twentieth time that night. The Doombot began to smoke and shudder under the
assault, bits and pieces of it being knocked off by his attack. When Cap
drove it headfirst into the mat, there was a hard crushing sound, like a
car in a compactor.

Ignoring the crowd's standing ovation, Cap hoisted the effectively-headless
Doombot up and over the ropes. The destroyed robot landed on and destroyed
a lone car in Street Fighter III: Third Strike.

"........ (What?)" Q said to nobody in particular. He nudged the Doombot
with his toe and left.

Cap finally acknowledged the crowd with a wave, then retrieved his shield.
The ring was emptier than usual, and fairly quiet. He took a moment to
relax in the corner.

The first thing he saw upon sitting down was an all-out brawl between a
fishman and a wolfman. That wasn't the weird thing; the *weird* thing was
the yellow robot circling them, using its glowing sword as a laser pointer,
and providing a running commentary.

Captain America shook his head, trying to clear it.

"Waaaaiow!" Yoshimitsu narrated, pogo-ing around the battle. "As yew kin
*cleahly* see, these two types o' animal ah *very* incompa'ible with each
otha'!"

"Shut up," Jon Talbain instructed Yoshimitsu, and was nailed with a Sonic
Wave while he was distracted. Talbain, momentarily stunned, was easy
pickings for Rikuo's Water Jail attack.

He struggled weakly, caught in a bubble of water. Rikuo, who had been
planning to Jon with a wave of water, had his plans put on hold as he was
abruptly hoisted off his feet and held off the ground by a hand on his tail
and a sword under his stomach.

"Get a lookit this li'l fella', 'ere," Yoshimitsu continued to narrate,
swinging Rikuo around and holding him to the camera. "As yew kin see, he
'as fins all ova' 'is body. That's to protect 'im from natural predatahs!"

"Now *see here*!" Rikuo began, before abruptly being tilted forward by
Yoshimitsu.

"Waaaiow," Yoshimitsu said, lifting Rikuo's squirming body up and down past
the camera.

Rikuo, mortified (a stick or other thin object held to a merman's
underbelly inhibits its ability to move around), saw Jon coming.

"Oh, just get it over with," Rikuo said disgustedly. "Stupid tourneys,
don't know why I bother--"

Jon blasted Rikuo out of Yoshimitsu's hand and over the ropes with a Beast
Cannon. Yoshimitsu, his hand and sword held as if still holding Rikuo,
stared in quiet surprise at Talbain.

"WHAT the HELL is yer PROBLEM, HUH?" Talbain blurted, shoving Yoshimitsu.

"I've got Monster Truck Madness," Yoshimitsu calmly told Talbain before
shoving him back and taking off running.

"HEY!" Talbain blurted, giving chase.


_Klaymodo Island_

Famed superhero Boogerman had his arms folded. As he patiently whistled, he
admired the large, shiny ball left lying on the ground. After much toe
tapping, he finally heard what he was waiting for.

*flush*

Chang walked back into the room with a toilet over his shoulder. "Thanks
for the loan, buddy."

In a voice that eerily resembled Barney Gumble from the Simpsons, Boogerman
responded with "No problem." The sloppy superhero took the porcelain seat
and stored it away (where? I don't know. I'm no professor in Clay Fighter
physics). "Now what?"

"Burping contest?"

"You're on!"

The two went on, exchanging several turns.

After Chang's fifth try, Boogerman sniffed. "Whoa! What did you eat, a
giant, purple, one-eyed squid or something?" He cracked his knuckles and
took a deep breath.

The following belch not only knocked Chang off his feet, but caused the
hair on the back of his head to stand up.

"You... win..."

As Boogerman helped Chang back up, they heard a loud crash come from a few
feet away.

Boogerman scratched his head and pointed. He saw a green merman crawling up
to him, in need of assistance. "Uh... what's that thing?"

Chang combed his hair back down. "It's some kind of fish guy, or something.
Hold on, I have an idea."

Chang left Boogerman's side for a second and came back with his iron ball.
He swung downward and brained poor Rikuo many, many times.

"Hey, Boogyman."

"Yeah?"

"You in the mood for sushi?"


_Soul Calibur_

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

"Mitsurugi!"

"Arthur!"

Just then, Xianghua got an evil grin. "....Arthur."

"Thank you. Now that this dispute is finally cleared, we can be on our
way."

Xianghua blinked. But, but... that was supposed to *work*...!
Unfortunately, before she could attack Arthurugi in a frustrated rage, she
was teleported out.


_Control Booth_

"Hey. That was only nine minutes," Birdman said.

"I don't care. That was *really* beginning to get to me."


_The Ring_

"Exercise Program C!" Super Macho Man called out, ducking low.

Yamazaki's Snake Arm, as a result, sailed clear over Super Macho Man's
head. Ryuji was still inventing curses when three uppercuts plowed into his
chin.

"My hair is *perfect*," Super Macho Man bragged, patting his hair with both
gloves as he waited for Ryuji to rise to a standing position.

Ryuji, holding his face, blindly staggered to his feet and heard an audible
wiggling. Super Macho Man pulled his fist back as far as he could, his eyes
trained on Ryuji.

"And so is my Super Spin PuuWAAAGH--" Ryuji heard Super Macho Man say
before a vacuum noise interrupted him. After Ryuji heard some muffled
complaining from Super Macho Man and then the sounds of something
swallowing and spitting, he took his hands off his face out of sheer
curiosity.

Super Macho Man, recovering, saw it at the same time Ryuji did. Kirby
looked like someone had apparently drawn rippling muscles on his chest and
stomach with a red marker, plopped a grey mop head on top of him, and put
really chintzy-looking gloves on his flippers.

"AH'M PRETTY!" Kirby Macho Man piped, waving his glove-flippers in the air
and doing a shuffle dance.

Super Macho Man stared in blank, abject horror.

"Heh heh heh," Ryuji chuckled, looking between Kirby and Super Macho Man.

Super Macho Man's eyebrow twitched once.

"RrrrrRRRAAAAAAAARRGH!" Super Macho Man screamed, uppercutting Ryuji so
hard that Ryuji flipped over backwards onto his stomach.

"Hi-i-ii!" Kirby Macho Man piped, waving a boxing glove up at Super Macho
Man.

"YOUUUUUUuuuuuuUUUUUUUU!" Super Macho Man breathed, shaking with hatred.
Super Macho Man abruptly reared back with a loud wiggle noise, preparing to
Super Spin Punch the small pink fighter into a thin and runny paste.

Kirby Macho Man continued to taunt Super Macho Man until Ryuji booted him
away and took his place.

"You wanna hit me? Huh? Hit me!" Ryuji commanded, sticking his tongue out
and waggling it at Super Macho Man. "HIT ME!"

Super Macho Man let his punch fly, rotating his body to produce the violent
torque on his attack. "WhoooooaaaAAAAAAAAAAAIIIYA!"

The punch connected square with the side of Ryuji's head, making a
sickening mix of a crunch and a thump as it bruised the entire left side of
Ryuji's face.

Ryuji, taking the blow without moving backwards, drilled Super Macho Man
into the air with an uppercut and held the left side of his face as he
watched with satisfaction as Super Macho Man flew over the ropes.

"*Punk*!" Ryuji yelled after him.

Ryuji heard a tiny wiggling noise from behind him and a cute little
"WhooooaaaAIYA!" before pain exploded in his right knee and his leg buckled
from under him.

"AH'M A BAAAAD MAN!" Kirby Macho Man piped, flexing his marker abdominals
at the kneeling Ryuji and then stepping back as Ryuji took a swipe at him.

Super Macho Man landed, on his back, in the middle of a floating island
filled with giant smiling flowers. Super Macho Man dragged himself to his
feet and began to once again shake with rage (and a lot of pain).

"Puff?" a high voice asked curiously behind him.

Super Macho Man slowly turned around and looked down to see a small and
cute pink ball with flippers stare up at him with its head tilted
inquisitively sideways.

"Jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff piped to Super Macho Man, tilting back and forth
with a smile on her face.

Super Macho Man's face contorted into a twisted mask of unbridled fury as
he abruptly lunged towards Jigglypuff.

*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP*
*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP*
*THUMP*


_Control Booth_

"Jesus Christ," Wanderer said in awe.

"I can't blame him," Birdman said. "I really can't."


_Men's Bathroom, RumbleDome_

Jeffry McWild turned the faucet off and reached for a paper towel. Humming
to himself, he took his time drying his hands and tossed the towel into the
nearby garbage. After he examined a couple minor cuts and bruises, McWild
exited the bathroom, hoping he hadn't miss out on too much of the contest.

Meanwhile, the bathroom was in shambles. Most of the mirror was shattered,
the tiles were cracked and the stall doors were broken. But it was nothing
compared to what happened to Sir Dregan. Pieces of the zombie crusader were
scattered around the room, and his head was wedged into the last intact
toilet bowl.

Under the water, Dregan sighed. "This is degrading."


_The Ring_

Jon Talbain wasn't happy.

Even under extreme conditions--like, say, an angry werewolf smacking him
repeatedly across the face with a pair of nunchaku--Yoshimitsu *just kept
talking*.

The werewolf retracted his weapon and kicked Yoshi in the chest. Yoshimitsu
dropped, but converted it into a backward somersault. He looked to his
camera, just to make sure it was still there, and pointed back at Jon.

"Oy! As you can see, I ended up startlin' da dahlin' lil bugga. Not bein'
in his natural habitat has caused him to become even more feroci--"

A Beast Cannon (it's a good trick, so he uses it a lot) engulfed Yoshi's
head.

"Do you EVER just SHUT UP?! WHAT is your PROBLEM?" Jon yelled.

Yoshi rubbed the soot out of his eyes. "Allow me to answer that question
with a teleport."

He fell backward, into a sitting position, and spun in place. He
reappeared, spinning back up from the mat, across the ring... and in front
of the last remaining Power Stone.

"Well hello, Sheila!"

Picking up the Gem, Yoshi began to levitate. An explosion of light devoured
him, momentarily blinding anyone looking in his direction. Talbain, who was
on his way to finish off Yoshimitsu, shielded his eyes.

When it died down, Yoshimitsu was gone.

His replacement looked like some sort of insect-man, complete with a pair
of functional dragonfly wings. A huge rhino-like horn stuck out of its
cranium. The only part of it not covered with purple armor was its face,
now only a skull. Its eyes glowed with eerie green light. From beyond the
grave, H.R. Giger continued to be really irritated. Finally, it spoke in a
deadpan voice.

"How are you gentlemen."

The audience started throwing things at the ring, like popcorn, empty cups,
BioFreak parts, or, in two instances, an irritated Brian Battler.

Whether it was still Yoshimitsu or not, Jon didn't care. It was still
challenging him. Jon Talbain never backed down against anyone, human or
Darkstalker.

He flew at Yoshimitsu in the Beast Rush, howling with rage. As he drew
close, Yoshimitsu raised its sword and slashed once, at empty air.

A series of green energy waves, mirroring Yoshi's slash, knocked Jon right
out of the Beast Rush. As Jon struggled to his feet, Yoshimitsu looked down
upon him.

"You are on your way to destruction."

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Talbain shook his head and went for
a jump kick. He bounced off a green force field and into the ring's force
field. Jon went sprawling, the wind knocked out of him, and tried to get
back up.

"You have no chance to survive make your time."

The crowd picked Brian up and threw him again.

Suddenly, Yoshimitsu transformed itself into a giant whirlwind. The other
fighters in the ring ran away, remembering the damage Falcon had wrought.

"All your base are belong to us."

The crowd started booing.

Jon was far too close, far too winded, and far too angry to run. He finally
got to his feet... just as the whirlwind plowed into him. He went sailing
across the ring, bounced against the forcefields, and finally, shot out of
the ring like a tennis ball out of a dryer.

Talbain's eyes opened to see he was within a dark mansion. He looked up and
saw another werewolf, this one with metal talons. Immediately, he jumped to
his feet.

"Talbain..."

"Sabrewulf."

The next fifteen minutes were a blur of claws, roars, and fur.

Yoshi's whirlwind attack died down, finally, and all three Power Stones
sailed away from him. Conveniently, all three went over the ropes, and
through the dimensional field. Moments later, a boy and his blob started
kicking ass all over their node. Go figure.

Yoshi, back in his regular form, pulled the orange Gem from his chest
plate. "Say, this one didn't leave with the others. Wassapwitdat?!"

"See!? I told you I was right, Geese!" Yamazaki marched over to Yoshimitsu.

"The orange one is for fiber," Yoshimitsu told him.

"Now, if you know what's good for you, you'll give me the stupid Gem,"
Ryuji told him threateningly.

"Yes, you too can get an authentic glowing, orange Gem thingy! Just dial
1-800-YOSHIBOT! No CODs. Available in 49 states. SORRY Tennes--"

Ryuji's fist whipped him onto the mat. "I'm sorry, did I break your
concentration? Or was that just your nose?"

Geese stood behind his goon. "Good work, Yamazaki. It seems you were right
about this simpleton. Now get me my damned Reality Gem!"

"No problem--" Ryuji saw the shield coming. He caught it out of the air,
without looking, and hurled it back to its owner.

Captain America caught his shield. Clark Steel, Galford and Poppy, ready to
lend a hand, stood at his side. Kirby Macho Man appeared to guard
Yoshimitsu, putting his dukes up.

"For great justice, dude!" Galford called, giving a thumbs-up to
Yoshimitsu.

Clark scowled at him and adjusted his sunglasses.

"You're welcome!" Yoshimitsu supplied.

"Geese Howard," Captain America grunted, beginning to reclaim his strength.
"Leave the Reality Gem to me."

Geese sneered. "You know, Ryuji, I've never been one for patriotism." He
shifted into his fighting stance.

A loud blast of noise brought the tense moment to an end. It was the sound
of an electric guitar solo. The next entrants were on their way.


_Super Smash Brothers_

*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP*
*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP*
*THUMP*

"RRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!" Super Macho Man screamed to the heavens,
kneeling over the flat and gooey remains of Jigglypuff. He took several
deep breaths to calm himself, looked downward at the pink circle on the
ground and...

"RrrrRRRAAAAAAGH--"

*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP*


_Room 114, RumbleDome Hotel_

Within the darkness, Iori dropped a red and green bandana to the floor, and
let smoke escape his mouth. As Ralf Jones' powers entered his body, Iori
felt a flash of stolen emotion... as if he was proud of a close friend. He
shook it off.

"What's next?" he asked.

Taria placed Dhalsim's book into the chalice. "We're making good progress,"
she assured him.

"Great. So, what's with the book? Are you going to read me a bedtime
story?"

"NOW!"

To Iori and Taria's surprise, the door flung open and a blue ghost floated
through it, rolling its neck around. Lion Rafale and Rimururu followed it.
Iori stood up and quickly studied the intruders. The boy didn't look
familiar, but he remembered the other two from the ring. It was the young
samurai in the white outfit, who had helped him defeat Gill.

"What is the meaning of this?" Iori asked with Taria standing before him,
hoping he wouldn't jeopardize the plan with brawling.

Hsien-Ko's answer was half dozen long blades from her enormous sleeves.
Though the attack missed Iori and Taria, the blades shredded Dhalsim's
book, the chalice, and the table it had been on.

With what can only be described as adorable anger in her eyes, she spoke.
"Take *that*, Darkstalker scum!"

Iori Yagami, the sole reason there was light in the room besides the open
door, lifted his eyebrow. "Darkstalker?"

"Don't play dumb with me! Who are you working for? Is it Demitri? Jedah?
Morrigan?"

Iori smirked. "We're working for the white hairball."

"Sasquatch?!" Hsien-Ko quickly changed from confusion to rage. "I knew it!"

Rimururu whispered to Lion, "I think you were wrong about her being a
mage."

"Seems like it. Sorry."

Rimururu stood in front of her allies and pointed. "I'm not really sure
what you two are up to, but you're not going to get away with it with us
around!"

Iori was bemused. "Oh, really. And you three will stop us?"

Lion stepped up. "That's right. Three of us and two of you."

"Wrong," a woman's voice said. The lights came on.

Mature and Vice stood revealed by the overhead lights, both climbing into a
kneeling position on the suite's bed. On the other side of the room,
Zankuro grumbled and moved, like a statue suddenly animating itself. He
picked up his massive blade and strode towards Rimururu, recognition in his
eyes.

"Five of us... three of you," Mature said.

Vice finished off Mature's thought. "Now don't you brats wish you didn't
stick your noses where they don't belong?"

The three do-gooders backed up into each other. Hsien-Ko shook her head and
asked, "What have you two gotten me into?"

================
FINAL TALLY (51 voters):

GALFORD (SS4): 37:14
GEESE HOWARD (CvS): 35:16
RYUJI YAMAZAKI (CvS): 34:17
CAPTAIN AMERICA (MvC2): 39:22
CLARK STEEL (KOF2K): 32:19
KIRBY (SSB): 33:20 [Knight Note: AH'M PRETTY! :)]
YOSHIMITSU (TTT): 33:22
======LINE O'ELIMINATION========
IBUKI (SF3:3S): 30:22 [Racewing: *sniff*... why?]
DR DOOM (MvC2): 28:24
JON TALBAIN (DS3): 27:24
YANG (SF3:3S): 27:24
GENJURO (SS4): 27:28
SEAN (SF3:3S): 24:27
XIANGHUA (SC): 21:30
HAOHMARU (SS4): 22:33
SUPER MACHO MAN (SP-O!): 17:33
WARMECH (M:tDA): 15:36
VOLDO (SC): 12:39
RIKUO (DS3): 10:41
KAI (MK4): 7:44

BONUS MATCHUPS:

JEFFRY MCWILD (VF3) flushes SIR DREGAN (M:tDA) 30 to 17 with 4 absentations

CHANG KOEHAN (KOF2K) digests TAFFY (CF63 1/3) 31 to 18 with 2 absentations

ELIMINATIONS: Galford, Geese Howard, Ryuji Yamazaki: 2. Captain America,
Clark Steel, Kirby, Yoshimitsu, Ibuki, Dr. Doom, Jon Talbain: 1.

CURRENT ELIMINATION LEADERS: Captain America 14, King 7, Ryu 6, Yoshimitsu
6, Chun Li 5, Heavy D! 5.

CURRENT ELIMINATION LEADERS (LIFETIME, ALL UVRS): Haohmaru 39, Guy 21, Chun
Li 18, Ryu 14, Captain America 14, King 13, Charlotte 13

MILLIONAIRE BEATDOWN 2001: SNK started with six fighters in this Section,
while Capcom started with seven. Now that the smoke has cleared, SNK has
four left, dominating the top three spots, while Captain America is the
only Capcom fighter remaining. And the "Capcom" term, of course, is a
stretch...

NUMBER OF VOTEFORMS COMPARING CAPTAIN AMERICA TO SHAWN MICHAELS: Too many.

VOTE QUOTES:

"CLARK (KOF2K) - DIE. Call me stupid, but... who? Isn't he Superman?"

"VOLDO (SC) LIVE 'bring out the gimp.' 'gimp's fightin'.'"

"SEAN (SF3:3S) Die - I don't vote against Sean because he's a scrub, nor do
I vote against him because he was trained by that talent less twit, Ken
Masters. I vote against him because I have never been more terrified of a
fictional character. The boy throws basketballs! Every now and then, I'm
forced to play basketball in Phys. Ed. Every time I'm forced into playing
basketball; the ball seeks me out and breaks one of my fingers. I swear,
the basketballs are out to get me, and Sean is their Emperor! Now the only
ones who can stop Sean and his Army of Bloodthirsty Basketballs are the
Harlem Globetrotters!"

Uh... yeah.

See you next Section!

Writer with the red eye mask and the sais:
Gavin "Gavok" Jasper
(http://www.rit.edu/~gjj2192/hol/)

Writer with the orange eye mask and the nunchuckus:
James Howard, "The MultiMediocre Knight"
(http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Battlefield/4281/index.html)

Writer with the blue eye mask and the katanas:
Geson "Racewing" Hatchett
(http://welcome.to/racewing/)

Writer with the purple eye mask and the staff:
Thomas "Wanderer" Wilde
(http://www.dimfuture.net/elsewhere/)

Website guys fused with rhino and boar DNA:
Gerald "sven" Deo
(http://uvr.gq.nu)
and
Mikael "Siegfried" Sundberg
(http://www.tekken.nu/fightermania)




-Racewing
        Freelance Fanfiction Writer,
        Roll/Sakura Kasugano/Ukyo Kuonji/Yuffie Kisaragi Fanboy,
        and Nice Guy Unless You Piss Me Off.

        Racewing Productions
        (Home of RollCraft and the Fiction Fighters' Clash)
        http://welcome.to/racewing